Schizophrenia
The illness which plagued the adult years of the son I just buried was diagnosed with, "Paranoid Schizophrenia." So far as I know, the diagnosis was presented by an unsupervised ER intern during his first psychotic break in college. All succeeding treatment picked up that rushed dx from an unqualified analyst and? ? ? I didn't worry that point much. *Something* was going horribly wrong with the gentlest soul who has ever touched my life. One name for ^it^ is as good as another. ^It^ was not getting better as he entered into parenthood with a partner suffering? ? ? I didnae know his wife well enough to play armchair psychologist. The big for sure is that she was far more my son's patient than his partner. During their nearly 7 years of marriage, she spent most time whatevering behind closed doors than caring about the world outside her door, inflating her morbid obesity and disorganized hoard piles. Big Sis has been babbling allot about "Is Mommy waking up now?" I donae believe she is speaking of the corpse in the coffin. My son remained devoted to her to the end and was increasingly torn by the need to choose between caring for his wife and caring for his children. On her good days, she was a loving and embracing soul and growing an awareness of her impact on her loved ones. I remain haunted by wandering wonders of whether the *accident* was vehicular suicide.
The schizophrenia forum is on my newsfeed here on DS in hopes of better understanding the condition. It is a very slow moving forum, as is the Narcolepsy forum I joined in hopes of better understanding ES's condition. No luck with either forum.
There is a bitter ex-husband haunting the Schizophrenia forum this week with all the mean stigma which haunted my son's struggle to overcome. Most recently, he declared the condition a ? ? ? My conscious processing has clamped tight. My current struggle is hard enough without quoting blanket judgements from bitter ex'es.
I have put a tight lid on the emotional chaos of watching the decline of a bright and gentle philosopher whom I dearly love. Not mine to sort, adult privacy rights and all that yaddah. Should I thank the bitter husband for initiating the next phase of that processing with the stigma this gentle soul faced every day? Nah. The bitter pill has already treated me to a string of foul names. Think I'll shoot for gratitude from a safe distance.
Time to pull the lid off that roiling coffin? Small bytes and long chews.
Replies
Huge hug for you Arf….. I am so sorry that these thoughts are haunting you.... I don't know if you'll ever have answers for this question...…
I hope that you know that even though it seems far from you right now... Your beloved son is in a good place surrounded by love
With regards to paranoid schizophrenia.... I have added a link to sort of sum it up and I think it does it well.... I have worked with men with paranoid schizophrenia when it's been extreme however most are not like that
It usually effects young men from teens to late 20's for the onset …. Medication can often control quite well if people stay on it ……. Another hug and a blessing
This is a short 'textbook' answer that I think is accurate
Paranoid schizophrenia
Paranoid schizophrenia is the most common type of schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is defined as “a chronic mental disorder in which a person is withdrawn from reality." Schizophrenia is divided into subtypes based on the “predominant symptomatology at the time of evaluation." The subtypes are classified as: paranoid, disorganized, catatonic, undifferentiated, and residual type. However, they are not completely separate diagnoses, and cannot predict the progression of the mental illness. The picture is dominated by relatively stable and often persecutory delusions that are usually accompanied by hallucinations, particularly of the auditory variety, and perceptual disturbances. These symptoms can have a huge effect on functioning and can negatively affect quality of life. Paranoid schizophrenia is a lifelong disorder, but with proper treatment, a person with the illness can attain a higher quality of life.
So many diverse aftershocks and straying thoughts. The mental illnesses may have led to dysfunction, but the marriage lasted through those years. As far as his diagnosis, if the meds were working the diagnosis was accurate. My simplistic definition is the inability to differentiate between awake dream states and reality. Both appear as reality. They were on their way to visit their children, so accident seems most likely. I wondered when Big Sis would begin asking such questions. They are age appropriate. In her young mind, Mommy went to sleep, and so she will wake up. You will help her sort this out. Grieving is such an individual journey. Each day takes its own path. Comfort and prayers continue.
Thank you, Jan. The textbook view and the living with it views are so radically different that ? ? ? Now that my gentle, beloved son is no longer living with ^it^, all that seems pretty irrelevant beyond a desire to hold my own, more compassionate views of the hardships and my awareness of how nasty the stigma attached are. The Schizophrenia forum here on DS was painfully slow before. I wonder if we should see about getting the ex-husband posts out of there. I can guarantee they will crush anyone suffering the malady. My son cried in my arms more than once over such compassion as what this exly gent is spewing there.
Thank you for the prayer and support, Simpson. They are both needed and appreciated.
I have been through more than one stage of my recovery where "Not Worse" was good progress. Are we "not worse" yet?
I have lived with haunting questions from my teen years, of the 'why didn't or why did' this happen and why did, didn't my Dear Mother Do Anything. When asked about my sexual abuser, why didn't she kick him out of the house.,...not because of me, rather for the abuse mentally she dealt with...her response "it's kind of nice to have a man around the house". I find shocking how I didn't have the strength to 'tell' until after her death, even then, I was asked for 'specific' details, I wasn't believed...or perhaps the questioning person, my Dear Brother, needed to know for some reason in his own psy damaged brain, as he was beaten with a wooded board. Dear Mother's safe arms never seemed to appear for either of us. Prior to my Dear Sister's death, my Mom told me my Sister 'forgave her'....I didn't ask what the subject was...not my business, between my Sister and Mom. I do have ideas, however there will never be a 'clear' answer from the past' now that both are gone.
Sometimes I think those out in the world that walk in 'diagnosed' should more times than not ''be diagnosed''. That those who are dx'd, take their medications and do the best each day to live their lives, with head on shoulders, are the people who are More Sane. The stigma attached to mental illness, I think in large part is Fear that the individual who is stigmatizing, is in a large part, afraid of their own psychological state of mind. Trumpy Pissed Me Off So Much I Wish I Could Have Ripped Off His Implanted Hair when he blamed "mental illness', as with those diagnosed with Autism....rather than refer only to the horror and disbelief of a situation, he said dx was the reason why the killing of people happened. """"When "mass shooting" is defined as an incident in which four or more people are shot, the U.S. had 251 such incidents in the first 216 days of 2019.""" were these all mental illness, or Hate Crimes, Discrimination...or ?????
In my own stupid silly mind, I try not to ask 'why' anymore....seems to help with my sanity, especially when there is nothing I can do with a person, John...or thing/place. Am I a turtle pulling my head into the safety of a hard shell to protect me? Don't know....I do know I want a soft place to land...still seeking....inner voice saying to myself, "it" could be worse. I agree Very Much with """"Not Worse" was good progress. Are we "not worse" yet?"""
Prayers for You and All For Highest Good to come into your lives~~
I left both the Schizophrenia and Narcolepsy forums. My youngest son is no longer living with schizophrenia. Rest in peace, my love. I am still pretty clueless on those mysteries beyond the clinical textbooks. So was he, all the way to his final turn in life. That is a genuinely mind fucky set of theories, stigma and treatments.
My eldest son is still breathing and dependent on hubby's support, but far from me and ? ? ? I remain haunted by the sense that I don't know which of my sons died first. Taking the next step in letting go. My suspicion that I and several other nuts on my family tree suffer narcolepsy tempts me to stay in that forum, buttttttaaaa. . . It has been years since my son and I have held a conversation about anything, but as of our last conversation, he was blatantly hostile toward those possibilities. Taking the next step in letting go.
The pain is whelming. . .
Arfie, this is only 8 days since the tragedy. First there is the busy part, then comes the deeper pain. The problem with those of us with the high IQs, the ability to remember everything, and simple not being in our vocabulary, way too much goes on in our brains. We want answers to the questions that are not answerable. Keep feeling what comes up; keep asking the questions; and know that the pain will abate, albeit slowly. BTW, I support you reporting the inappropriate posts. I am a believer in do no harm. Life brings enough on its own. I am glad you are taking the time to try to sort out the many "its" as they affect you. Hugs and prayers on this lonely walk.
My first awareness of schizophrenia is also why I now teach death and dying classes to nursing students at a community college, arfie. When I was in 10th grade in school in Uruguay, my best friend's mom went off her meds for schizophrenia and in a psychotic break she shot and killed his dad in their home. He was there, and then I was next on the crime scene right after it happened. He was an only child, so when she was sent away he basically lived with me and my family. We still visited her in prison, because despite it all, well, she was still his mom. And back on her meds, she was different. Her unmedicated self and what happened there haunted us all, still, so when you use that word "haunting" now with what's going on with you, it resonates with me. Sending you all support right now.
Yes, Muji, such tragedies pretty much define schizophrenia in the stigmatic minds. Everybody seems to have such a tale to tell. Very few psych pros will handle schizophrenia patients because of ^it^, not even to question the expert diagnosis of an unsupervised ER intern. The politics of schizophrenia are intense. Glamour dx it ain't.
It is a heavy burden for a gentle soul to carry. Perhaps a greater tragedy than his death. Perhaps. This grieving mother is waffling like a Belgian over that point this morning. The animated telling of these tragic tales haunted him horribly, no matter how heavily medicated he was. Those are some heavy duty drugs, especially for a star pupil of the War on Drugs classes. Changing the name of those pills, "Meds" didn't fool our "Drug Free" superstar a bit.
Healing hopes for all. No exceptions.