Scary Dad.
Last night, my dad started yelling at everyone while we were eating dinner about the dishes. My Mom and I just got back from our trip and the dishes were piled up. We ended up having to do the dishes because my sisters woudn't do them because of how angry he was. He was yelling until we couldn't handle it and we tried to stop him. He doesn't listen to us. Today, he got after my sister for not having a job.
It's really scary when he's like this. He yells and yells and yells and spits and on our faces as he's yelling. If we try to stand up for ourselves or the people he's yelling at, he gets angry and insults us. Sometimes, as he's yelling, he walks towards us and we tell him not to hurt us and he says he won't but he keeps walking towards us and yelling at us and if we stand our ground he grabs us and starts to pull us and move us to where he wants us. He's really scary.
He takes pictures of us and we tell him not to post them and he says he won't but he does. He complains about my voice. It's high pitched and when I'm in a good mood, it gets higher. Now I'm really self consious about my voice. I really don't like it.
I know that he might be an emotionally abusive father or a toxic father or whatever. I don't know what to do. Please can someone give me advice?
Replies
How often does he get like this? Have you tried walking away when he's yelling at you? As I think you've found, standing your ground only makes him yell at you more. Perhaps saying something like "I'd really like to listen to what you're telling me, but only when you stop yelling," and then walking away. You could also talk with him when he's calm, and tell him just how much he scares you when he gets like that. Some of what he's doing does sound like emotional/physical abuse -- not so much the yelling (most parents are guilty of this at one time or another), but rather, the insults, the intimidation, and him grabbing you. The fact that you're telling him not to hurt you is an indication that his behavior is abusive; your parents shouldn't ever make you feel afraid. If at any point he threatens to physically harm you and/or does harm you, please call 911.
I grew up with a violent father, and often feared for my life. So, I can relate to what you're going through. I hope that things get better for you! Hugs.