scared as usual
just wanna ramble. i feel like im twelve with my first girly crush. i think me and my girl have reversed our age. i cant focus cant be content when im not with her. cant relax. always worring about whats gonna happen. when shes gonna leave. god im glad she only knows im half crazy. why cant i be happy only seeing her once in a while. never have been this in love and happy before and wanna crawl into her skin and stay there. gotta work out and make my head stop but so self conscious cant leave house to go to gym. yikes puppy prozac should be my sign on name
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men u sound a bit like me the fear part umm caan we tlk anytime u have time pls and gud luc wit u...
ttyl!
sounds good. i dont have alot of access to a computer right now but would like to chat. im very stressed and could use advice also
wana crawl into her skin and stay there...... wow that was intense and so \"romantic\" of a phrase, beautiful words,,,, the love you describe for her is a tpye of love I have never ever known,,,,i believe she is your addiction,,,, made me think of several things that all came to mind very rapidly and interlapped: 9 1/2 weeks, (love that movie~ & concept of a relationship), melissa ferricks song \"drive\", this sounds very wonderful as long as both ppl are on the same page and walking side by side on this journey,,,,,,, otherwise it could be very painful. Peopple say dont get to into someone that they become your \"addiction\" but i believe i have loved that deeply, but never experienced that in return,,, I enjoy your journaling please keep writing and expressing,,,, KD
oh,,, let me add a quest: why are you afraid she is gona leave, does she say things to give you that indication? does she love you ? and is she in love with you? is the fear of your own making or is there a fuel thats being added to that internal fire ? wondering...... kd
she does not say she loves me. she says only dont leave you are all i have that is good. she doesnt feel need to talk. is less depressed than she was. she doesnt talk to me on phone but once a week only texts me. she is pretty depressed incapable of expressing herself. she doesnt touch me barely ever kisses me and god forbid makes love to me. im at the point where im pulling my hair out of my head. but she has the most beautiful freaking brown eyes and takes care of me in her own special way. my kids love her. why do i stay. cause i love her laugh when i rarely hear it. because shes all i allow myself to have. im angry im scared im an emotional wreck. and blame it all on myself although i know im supposed to be in a relatiionship. need puppy prozac. i want fun back in my life i want companionship i want someone to hold my damn hand and be ok with me touching them in any way. why i cant be happy with what i have and always want more. god so wish i didnt have emotions.. midol here i come