scammed and scared - also posted in Caring for Aging Parents

Mom is almost 82, Dad 89 and deaf as a post, even with his hearing aids in. "We're slowing down," she tells me on the phone.  "You've been saying that for 20 years, Ma. HOW slow? Nursing home slow?"  "We're not that slow yet," she says.  This year "slow" means that on at least three separate occasions when Dad has lost his balance he's been too weak to get up off the floor. Mom's physical disabilities preclude her from doing much more than handing him a pillow, giving him an orange, and if waiting doesn't help, then calling 911. His sister looks in on them from time to time, but Mom has kind of burned that bridge... in fact Mother nearly refuses to accept help from anyone but me. They will not allow county aging services to come in and assist (they feel it comes at the cost of their privacy).  Did I mention that I live 550 miles away, and they are nowhere near a major airport, so it's actually faster to drive out to see them than fly... and my only sibling is (we think) a high-functioning autistic who lives in a supervised apartment and requires a similar amount of advocacy. While we're on the topic, we think Dad is an undiagnosed Asperger's, although at his age I'm sure it just looks like geriatric crankiness.   The message on the cell this morning is in her most tired sounding voice. "We need to talk to you."   Oh lord, WHAT have I done or not done now? I just came back from three days changing light bulbs, burning trash, doing laundry... what are they missing and is it MY fault? or worse... who's in the hospital?   "The day you drove back," she begins, "someone came to the door. They wanted to look at our lightning rod and cable - not everyone in the neighborhood has one."  "I was in the kitchen and couldn't go to the door so Dad (yes, she calls him Dad when she's talking to me) answered. He didn't have his hearing aids in and didn't understand what they were asking for a price..."  The upshot was that between her not being able to talk face to face with this young man and Dad's inability to hear exactly what was being said, they thought they were paying someone $50 to go up on the roof and see if their set up was adequate. Instead, when the "look-see" was finished, they were charged $50 PER FOOT for a 75-foot length of cable.   Mom was so cowed that she told me she didn't dare NOT write the check. "There were two of them and they were young. We wouldn't have been able to defend ourselves." Immediately after they left she had the presence of mind to call the police, who called the bank manager at home. My parents were to call the bank in the morning to stop the check. By the time Mom found the number and called in, shortly after the bank opened, the scammers had already come in, cashed the check, and disappeared. The theft made the papers. Mom is mortified. Fortunately no one ever died of embarrassment.   "We're still alive and breathing," she says, feeling, I'm sure, that they have had a very narrow escape.  She turns the conversation to the subject that must be increasingly on her mind. "Dad hasn't been feeling well. I don't want him to go to a nursing home. I don't want to go there either." We know from her rehab experience after a fall five years ago that even the best facility in their area practices a neglect of clients that is truly breath-taking. (Administrative offices were all climate-controlled, but residents sweltered in 90 degree summer heat. And why? "Because none of them ever complain." Honest, the answer I received. The fact that the residents were NON-VERBAL and UNABLE to complain being very conveniently disregarded.  I don't know what to make of this. I never thought they would be vulnerable to this kind of heist. I wonder how it would have played out differently had I been there or if I would have been taken in too. (I HOPE not!) I wonder what I can do to keep them safe.