Saying goodbye and helping them move on
Once upon a time two brothers were taken out of their home. They waited at the shelter while some grownups they just met decided what to do with the next part of their lives. The grownups found us. We had just gotten our foster license the week before. We asked if we could meet the boys before we decided anything. We had just learned all these useful tools about what to ask when the phone rang and had discussed what we thought we could and could not handle. We had studied. We were as prepared as we could be for the initial call.
At the shelter the younger brother was excited to be out of his house and couldn’t sit still. The older brother was terrified. When I met his eyes he was close to tears and put on a brave face for himself and his little brother. We promised to come back the next day and join them for lunch. We were excited and terrified too. None of us had any idea how far this would go or where it would lead us. The initial prognosis from the system was that this would be a short-term placement with the boys back home in a month or two…
It is one year and five and a half months later now. In two days they will leave our house to move to their FOREVER home. There have been wins and losses. We have accomplished a lot, we have failed some, and now we are passing them on to their new parents. It will be their turn to decide what to do with the next part of their lives. How to motivate them, how to help them feel proud of themselves, and encourage them to be good young men. They will show them how to take the energy and excitement they feel and channel it into something useful and productive and how to allow themselves to feel their emotions without panic. Most of the time I don’t even know how to do that for myself. I’ve felt like I was drowning trying to teach them something I do not know how to do. Like I was throwing us all into the deep end to swim or sink to the bottom.
This last week has been an emotional roller coaster. I picture saying good bye and have to fight off tears. They bounce into the room so crazy and energetic and I can’t wait for them to go. I worry about how they will remember us, if they will want to stay in touch. If they will ever love me or hate me more or less than they do right now. For the last nine months or more, I have felt guilty that we decided not to keep them as our own. That guilt is almost gone now because I can see, actually see, how much their new mom and dad want them and love them and are ready for them. I still feel guilty that I couldn’t be those parents, but I know that I am not. And this feels very Meant to BE with the boys and the family and I couldn’t be happier for them.
In two days we will take our boys to their new home and say goodbye. I am thankful that their scenario has turned out to have such a happy ending and wistful, hopeful, proud of who they are. I wish I could turn back time and re-do some of the last years. I wish I could have been more stable at times and not had so much trouble keeping control of my temper with them. I will miss them and love them always. And always pray for the best for them. They may be leaving soon, but no one will ever be able to take away our bond.
At the shelter the younger brother was excited to be out of his house and couldn’t sit still. The older brother was terrified. When I met his eyes he was close to tears and put on a brave face for himself and his little brother. We promised to come back the next day and join them for lunch. We were excited and terrified too. None of us had any idea how far this would go or where it would lead us. The initial prognosis from the system was that this would be a short-term placement with the boys back home in a month or two…
It is one year and five and a half months later now. In two days they will leave our house to move to their FOREVER home. There have been wins and losses. We have accomplished a lot, we have failed some, and now we are passing them on to their new parents. It will be their turn to decide what to do with the next part of their lives. How to motivate them, how to help them feel proud of themselves, and encourage them to be good young men. They will show them how to take the energy and excitement they feel and channel it into something useful and productive and how to allow themselves to feel their emotions without panic. Most of the time I don’t even know how to do that for myself. I’ve felt like I was drowning trying to teach them something I do not know how to do. Like I was throwing us all into the deep end to swim or sink to the bottom.
This last week has been an emotional roller coaster. I picture saying good bye and have to fight off tears. They bounce into the room so crazy and energetic and I can’t wait for them to go. I worry about how they will remember us, if they will want to stay in touch. If they will ever love me or hate me more or less than they do right now. For the last nine months or more, I have felt guilty that we decided not to keep them as our own. That guilt is almost gone now because I can see, actually see, how much their new mom and dad want them and love them and are ready for them. I still feel guilty that I couldn’t be those parents, but I know that I am not. And this feels very Meant to BE with the boys and the family and I couldn’t be happier for them.
In two days we will take our boys to their new home and say goodbye. I am thankful that their scenario has turned out to have such a happy ending and wistful, hopeful, proud of who they are. I wish I could turn back time and re-do some of the last years. I wish I could have been more stable at times and not had so much trouble keeping control of my temper with them. I will miss them and love them always. And always pray for the best for them. They may be leaving soon, but no one will ever be able to take away our bond.
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