saying goodbye

So my grandpa has been visiting from out of state for the last month staying with me. I have enjoyed getting up and having coffee with him in the mornings and staying up watching dumb movies at night. Last night we watched young frankenstien (1974). It was hilarious. Any way. I have to take him to the train station in the morning for his cross country train ride home. This is already causing me severe anxiety, depression and I can feel the makings of a panic attack. The reason is because this is my grandpa that was married to my grandma that recently passed away. That grandma was my closest relative and my very best friend. I still think about her and cry daily, it was the most gut wrenching loss I have ever gone through. That being said, having my grandpa here has brought us both a lot of peace. I think it makes him feel closer to my grandma being with me and it gives me the same kind of feeling being with him. Since they used to come here together, having him here, its like shes here with him. I dont know maybe that sounds silly, but it has been very calming. Well last year they left in the end of July and by the end of August we found out she was sick and I flew out to her, and on Oct. 3 she was gone. So quick. Which I realize was a good thing she didn't suffer too much or too long. What I am saying is I am getting severe anxiety over my gpa leaving because what if I never see him again? What if he goes home and then my aunt calls and hes sick. I have to fly out again and go through this all over again. I will break. I cannot handle this agian so soon. I am going to miss him so much thats a big reason too, but mostly I am afraid I am never going to see him agian. I know that I should think like this for everyone because you never know anytime someone leaves if it will be the last time you see someone or not because anything can happen but this is just particularly stressful for me because of what happened with my grandma last year. I really miss her a lot and no one seems to understand. Its been 10 months and everyone thinks I should be past all the tears by now but I am not. I am crying right now as I am typing. Its hard to keep going when the most influential person in your life is no longer in it. Anyway, I went off topic, thanks for letting me get this out. I obviously still miss my grandma just as much as I did the day she passed. The problem today is the anxiety and stress I feel thinking about my grandpa leaving in the morning. Thanks for listening.