Say What!?
I didn't write an entry yesterday, wasn't feeling up to it. I had a key work session at Day Patients yesterday afternoon. My key worker has only just started working at the unit I go to but apparently he's worked in other units.Well, I've mentioned before how I find it hard to talk. Having someone new as my key worker makes it even more so but I am trying. I didn't think I was doing too badly either...BUT...it seems I'm am.He seems really pissed that I've said I can talk to my therapist easier than anyone else, surely that should be expected??? One thing he keeps going on at me about eye contact which, I don't even give my therapist! I HATE making eye contact. I don't know why I've just never liked it. I've heard this can be a common trait in people with BPD. The other thing that seems to frustrate him is the fact that I don't show any emotion. I guess I look a bit...cut off? It's not something I'm conciously thinking about though, I don't know why I do it. It's almost like a defence mechanism I'm just like O_O .So yesterday at the end of my appointment with him (which I thought went OK). He brought up the fact I show no emotion, don't talk about 'feelings' and give no eye contact and then said in these exact words "I don't know where the fuck I am with you half the time." He was really quite....aggressive? Don't know if that's the right word. Maybe more intimidating. It made me really uncomfortable anyway. I've been thinking about whether I tell my therapist about it though because I've only recently told him that I find it uncomfortable to be around men because of past experiences (shouting/abuse/violence etc) but I'm trying to learn to be trusting again. Him acting in this way doesn't help me at all. The problem is, I don't want to make things worse.....I don't know what to do....
Replies