Saturday Night
Babe, it's another Sat. night and instead of going out for dinner with you and cuddling I sit here watching tv like I do night after night. One day just runs into the next, which runs into the next. The only difference is somedays the sun shines and others it's cloudy. Other than that there's no difference and I couldn't really care either way.
You know we always took mara out for her hikes together and today I took her to one of the conservation areas we always went to. It was a long quiet walk through the forest and open fields. Something we both used to enjoy and look forward to. I thought maybe since we came here so often together I might feel your presence but as I walked our trails all I felt was very very alone. Even mara, who constantly explores as we walk was very reserved, just looking around and staying close to me. On the walk back to the car it finally got to me and I broke down again but at least there was no one to watch. When I got home I spent a couple of hours shredding old bills and other paperwork you'd been after me to do. But you see I assumed we had lots of time and there was always time for both of us to do things. We had our whole lives to travel and get around to this and that, didn't we.
My world has gone from colours and laughter to numbness and and emptyness. I must have had some very strange dreams last night because I tossed and turned all night and I remember dreaming but don't remember what the dreams were. Even mara twitched and whined in her sleep. I know she misses you because every once in a while she'll stare at the spot on the couch where you used to sit as if she expects to see you there.
So here I am watching mara sleep and watching tv and wishing you were beside me, but that won't happen will it? Tonight I just feel more numb than anything else. At least at this point. Who knows how I'll feel in a half hour. I'm in no hurry for morning to come because it means another day without you. I think about our plans and hopes for the future and then the hole opens wider and deeper when I realize there are no more plans and there is no more future.
Where ever you are sweetheart I pray you're safe and happy and one day we'll be together again. That's all I can hope for because life is terrible without you.
I love you babe. Please know that and know you're on my mind every waking moment.
Mike
You know we always took mara out for her hikes together and today I took her to one of the conservation areas we always went to. It was a long quiet walk through the forest and open fields. Something we both used to enjoy and look forward to. I thought maybe since we came here so often together I might feel your presence but as I walked our trails all I felt was very very alone. Even mara, who constantly explores as we walk was very reserved, just looking around and staying close to me. On the walk back to the car it finally got to me and I broke down again but at least there was no one to watch. When I got home I spent a couple of hours shredding old bills and other paperwork you'd been after me to do. But you see I assumed we had lots of time and there was always time for both of us to do things. We had our whole lives to travel and get around to this and that, didn't we.
My world has gone from colours and laughter to numbness and and emptyness. I must have had some very strange dreams last night because I tossed and turned all night and I remember dreaming but don't remember what the dreams were. Even mara twitched and whined in her sleep. I know she misses you because every once in a while she'll stare at the spot on the couch where you used to sit as if she expects to see you there.
So here I am watching mara sleep and watching tv and wishing you were beside me, but that won't happen will it? Tonight I just feel more numb than anything else. At least at this point. Who knows how I'll feel in a half hour. I'm in no hurry for morning to come because it means another day without you. I think about our plans and hopes for the future and then the hole opens wider and deeper when I realize there are no more plans and there is no more future.
Where ever you are sweetheart I pray you're safe and happy and one day we'll be together again. That's all I can hope for because life is terrible without you.
I love you babe. Please know that and know you're on my mind every waking moment.
Mike
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