Saturday blues

It seems like everyone around me has family, but i dont, my son and i are alone, we are home all the time, alone, everything we do, we do alone, we have nothing else in this world but each other. Today is saturday, i'm sick, and he is bored, and we are alone. I had a boyfriend, he has a huge family, he didnt like my friends, and still doesnt, and he never understood why i liked to have my friends over when he would not be around, he always says he tries to understand , but he goes with his kid everyday somewhere to family's and they never are home, never alone, yet, for days now, my son and i are just home, alone, nothing to do, noone to be around, i'm depressed, my son is bummed because he is bored,,he has nothing to do, we have no money for even gas to go anywhere, plus we just dont have anywhere to go. This is why i'm so depressed, we have nothing in this life, i think so many times about what do i keep living for, and the only reason i do is because of my son, then he would be without , but then i think maybe not, maybe he would end up with a family, with a life, with the things he needs in life, maybe i'm holding him back. I hate myself, and i hate my life, i tell my doctors all the time, they just dont hear me, keep giving me the same old meds, they just want to increase it if i say i'm not doing well. If i take more of a dose (effexor) i feel all zingy and tingly all over, and i dont like the way i feel, and my face breaks out, so i just dont tell him anymore i just say i'm ok, and get my prescription. Sometimes i think i'm not just depressed, maybe bi-polar, but when i tell him that he says my meds are for that too. I dont know why i cant get help, so many days lately i feel like checking in at the hospital for help, but who would take care of my son? Nobody. I scream for help, but i dont get it. I just feel like crying all the time. I need to be around people, but i am always alone.