Saturday 7 June 2014

I am so frustrated...I don't know what to do...I have so much that I want to do, and so much that I have to do...that I don't know WHAT TO DO!!!!  ARGH....MY LIFE has been stuck on hold for a very long time...everything has piled up and become a mess...and I just don't know what to do...I need to clear my desk...I need to do some studying and research...which can actually be accomplished simply by clearing my desk...but everyt-time I start I get distracted by all the thoughts running around in my head...I have a lot of books that I want to read and annotate... that is part of my studying but I can't seem to do that either... because I can't seem to SIT DOWN long enough to do that ...I also have a lot of thoughts flying around in my head that I want to put down on paper but that doesn't really happen either...then I have all the questions and decisions that I have to make...and that is stuff that I just don't want deal with so I put it out of sight out of mind...but then I am faced with a deadline when I have to answer those difficult decisions and answer those hard questions...and I just get overwhelmed (again) and frustrated!!!....
Today is JUNE 7, I started the day by watching the live broadcast of Dr. Maya Angelou's Memorial Service...beautiful service!...I laughed, I cried, and I even had a few epiphanies...but now that means I have more thoughts to write down...and more pet projects to work on...and more books to read...and well...I just don't know what to do...again...
After watching the service, I had to get ready to go to my friend's son's birthday party...of course...I've know about this party for over a month...and last Sunday...I told myself what I need to do to prepare for the party...but...alas...Monday morning came, and I couldn't do anything...much less prepare for a birthday party...Try as I might, I didn't get the strength to do anything until THUR and even then I didn't do anything for the birthday party...so! I PROCRASTINATED until the last minute...like I always do...and didn't show up for the party until 10 minutes before it was scheduled to end!!!
As I was walking around through the mall to get the aforementioned birthday present...I was thinking about MY DILEMMA...you see my dilemma is one of the things that has me stuck... and as I was thinking about it...I get very tiny glimpses of hope...but since I cant really write them down at the moment...they kind of get lost...I did the same thing during the memorial service and after the birthday party...gosh...I just don't know what to do...maybe I'll...UGH! I don't know...maybe I'll just what?...I don't know what to do...THAT IS THE PROBLEM...Maybe...just maybe...if I plan out ONE WEEK...and work very hard at having a productive week ONE DAY AT A TIME...maybe...just maybe, I will figure something out!!!! SO!...here goes:
SUNDAY - well Sunday, is Sunday...the first day of the week...the one day a week (that I used to enjoy) set apart for Worshiping, Discovering and Sharing...so I guess I'll do that...that also would mean putting in a little work (just a little) into MY DILEMMA...the part that I thought of while watching Dr. Angelou's Memorial Service today...
MONDAY/WED/FRI - well Monday is the day that I decided a couple of weeks ago that I would spend focusing on Mom...along with WEDNESDAY's and FRIDAY's...these are days that I can spend with her and at her house and focus primarily on HER but also get some reading done and some thinking on MY DILEMMA...also...my Mom's 95th Birthday is the 19 so these days leading up to the 19th will focus on preparing for that. 
TUESDAY/THURSDAY - about the same time that I figured out what to do on MON/WED/FRI I decided that for the next 2-3 months...these days would be designated LIBRARY/STUDY days...also...this coming Thursday, I have an appointment with my Therapist...so I think that will be a good thing...these two days each week will be about focusing on me and MY DILEMMA with a little doing of all the things that I need to do...things I haven't done since I've been 'stuck'...
SATURDAY - well SATURDAY is the last day of the week...not necessarily my favorite day...but it is a day that is usually 'free'...so SATURDAY will be the day that I do my WEEK IN REVIEW... as well as my WEEKLY PLANNING...also...I'm looking forward to next Saturday because that is when my bike will be back from the shop (hopefully, keeping my fingers crossed )...I will write about this past week...but it probably won't be till next week...
THURS/FRI/SAT - well in addition to the above prioritized schedule, THUR/FRI/SAT's...I want to spend a couple of hours preparing for SUN...by reviewing what ever was "discovered" the previous Sun and preparing for what will be "discovered" this Sun...
MON-FRI - also in addition to the above prioritized schedule I want to spend a couple of hours each day on one of my three loves: STeM. 
OKAY!...well I think that is all for now...I am actually getting a little sleepy so I am going to try to go to sleep now...hopefully since I got all of this down, I can quiet my mind enough to go to sleep...I HOPE!
 
 

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rachelinidaho
rachelinidaho

I hope this works for you. Be sure to give you some time to just do for you. I hope things go well for you.