Sandy

The day before Sandy hit, we decided to take some belongings-his bass, my wedding dress and a change of clothes-and spend the day at my in laws.  Since both of our daughters were going to be safe-one in Brooklyn and one in Pennsylvania-we decided that if the power would go out we could help our in laws.  My father in law has PSP a rare degenerative disease that has made him a shell .  Thinking that Sally, my mom in law might need help we took our stuff and left.  Before leaving we talk to both of our neighbors who decided to stay, because after all the area had never been flooded, not in that part of New Dorp Beach, Staten Island.

The day Sandy hit our neighbor call us to tell us he was been rescued from the roof of his home and that yeah we both loss our homes.  The desperation and anxiety that follow was played like a slow movie.  On the way to our beloved home all we saw was devastation:  most homes were destroyed.  The streets became shallow reminders of what had been.  We weren't ready to see the effects of Sandy in our neighborhood.  Power outages was the least of our problems.  The corner deli looked like a bomb had exploded and left it literally on the floor, so did our street.  With my heart pounding, we parked the car at the bottom of our debris plastered street and run towards our home.
A 6ft. surge wave had engulf our home.  Everything was gone.  Once we pushed the door open, we had to push hard, we saw the damage.  One wall of the bathroom wall-gone.  Windows in the living room-gone.  Our couch soak in debris and mud.  Our bedroom-what bedroom?  Everything was gone.
I felt like I couldn't breathe and just wanted to run out of there.  Run as if by running I would go back in time to the many days of happiness shared in that beautiful home of ours.  I can honestly say I did not had a bad day in that house.  I daydream now of Alonso and I dancing,we are not good dancers at all, dancing our hearts out in  the middle of the living room.  My nightmares, my flashbacks had almost dissapeared.  If I had a bad night and woke up in the middle of the night I will realize I was safe and that gave me comfort.
Almost immediatly the Jazz Foundation of America called to offer us help.  We are very proud people, but here we were with no home, no clothes...we were devastated.  They pledge with us:  Let us help you, and we did.  Twenty minutes after that a dear friend, Paul told us he knew of an affordable apartment.  The Jazz Foundation paid the first month rent and the deposit.  Between Paul, my sister in law, my brother in law and other friends and family the apartment is paid for the next 6 months.  My uncle, who owns a furniture store gave us a couch, a sofa and a bed; my stepdaughter came with her truck and help us move them to the apartment.  My daughter gave us a TV and a dresser.  We are very bless to have such a great family and friends.
We have flood insurance, but that is going to take a while to get the adjuster to come.  As for our last conversation, the adjuster said he will come but can't tell us when.
The nightmares and the flashbacks are back.  I wake up in the middle of the night, look around and not feeling at home....it just makes me feel cold, with the sensation that I need fresh air to breathe. It feels like am strapped to the railroad of the train, the train is coming and there is nothing I can do. Its hard to explain.  Alonso has worked tiredlessly to make the apartment comfortable, he even rescued some pictures and framed them so now when I wake up I can see them.  It helps.
I don't know when I will finally feel at home here.  
It has been hard on Alonso too, the other I found him in the kitchen, he had rescued our number-16- from the porch of our home and he hanged it on the kitchen; he was down crying. We hugged and fell asleep crying.  This is hard.

I am grateful for having a place to live, am grateful for the fact we had his bass with us.  Still... this is hard.