=( Same ol\' fears...

Another bullshit day. I am so confused with my symtoms, I know I am depressed, I know i have anxiety and a Panic Disorder. But still, every little movement out of the corner of my eye, every unknown sound....sigh i keep going back to schizophrenia. What am i so afraid of though? That is what i keep asking myself...I speak to people on DS and hear about people with Schizophrenia living very full lifes...there not crazy, insane...climbing walls yada yada.. I had a meeting with the ministry of labour today and after giving my boss's an update in Montreal...i received a very thankfull letter back. Saying how they are very pleased to know they have such a reliable and trustworthy employee looking after the Ontario division. I love my job, I love the people i work worth ( most of the time ) and I have SO much ambition to move up in this young company...and I think my fear is that if i do become Schizophrenic...Would i be able to do this anymore? high stress work, important meetings with clients, marketting projects for our Ontario division...AHh...god dammit it scares me to think I would have to start back at the bottom doing some dead end peice of shit job because of an illness.  I am only 23 years old, but I have been living on my own since the age of 17 and working since 14. I always knew were i wanted to go and how to get there. I've done it all, worked my ass off to get here. Nothing is going to stop me. Screw that. -Wes