Sadness, Anger, Confusion, Rage
I am truly truly a mess tonight. The anger, sadness, and confusion is almost too much to handle.
He brought me the roses yesterday and I told him it was still over.
I was upset that I let him in after two weeks of no contact.. I was upset that I failed myself. I was upset that a failed my family.
Then today, a friend of mine saw him with another woman. I know I should be glad, glad, GLAD. But all I feel is HURT AND ANGER. I'm so angry I feel like my head is going to explode. I am upset that I am mad. I should be happy.
I am so confused by my emotions. He has hurt me SOOO badly and then brings me roses, only to be with another woman the very next day. I broke no contact again today, because I was so angry. He told me that I deserved everything I get for all the terrible things I have done to him. WHAT terrible things???
How can a person be so blind to the pain and wrong and misery that they have brought on to another person and again it's ALL my fault. He gets to just walk away and be with another woman ONE day after he brings me roses, like nothing EVER happened. And I am left in a wake of destruction trying to pick up torn out heart and head and am left in pieces.
I feel like I hate him and love him and miss him all at the same time. I feel like he is the WORST person I've EVER met, yet I'm jealous of another woman. This is awful. Just awful. I don't want to feel hatred. I don't want to be jealous. I should be happy. He's moved on to someone else. and quickly. I should be happy that I'm free. It just hurts. Even in the end, I feel like it's my fault.
He brought me the roses yesterday and I told him it was still over.
I was upset that I let him in after two weeks of no contact.. I was upset that I failed myself. I was upset that a failed my family.
Then today, a friend of mine saw him with another woman. I know I should be glad, glad, GLAD. But all I feel is HURT AND ANGER. I'm so angry I feel like my head is going to explode. I am upset that I am mad. I should be happy.
I am so confused by my emotions. He has hurt me SOOO badly and then brings me roses, only to be with another woman the very next day. I broke no contact again today, because I was so angry. He told me that I deserved everything I get for all the terrible things I have done to him. WHAT terrible things???
How can a person be so blind to the pain and wrong and misery that they have brought on to another person and again it's ALL my fault. He gets to just walk away and be with another woman ONE day after he brings me roses, like nothing EVER happened. And I am left in a wake of destruction trying to pick up torn out heart and head and am left in pieces.
I feel like I hate him and love him and miss him all at the same time. I feel like he is the WORST person I've EVER met, yet I'm jealous of another woman. This is awful. Just awful. I don't want to feel hatred. I don't want to be jealous. I should be happy. He's moved on to someone else. and quickly. I should be happy that I'm free. It just hurts. Even in the end, I feel like it's my fault.
Replies
I so get it...all the emotions...all the confusion. I live it every day of my life. These men are convinced they do no wrong. They don\'t have compassion, they don\'t know how to love and let somebody else love them. They will do it to everybody they are with. It\'s just a matter of time before that side of them emerges. I found out my boyfriend has treated every woman he has been with the way he treats me. Some of them far worse but I know he is capable of that. I can\'t fix them because they don\'t want to be fixed. They enjoy have the control and I am sure he is enjoying that you are jealous. I am here for you if you need to vent or talk or cry. Hugs to you my friend..I feel your pain.
Hi. Today is hard. So hard. I\'m glad you wrote to me because I am in a very bad place tonight. I broke no contact again and of course it was awful. He blames me for ALL OF IT. Everything. My family hates him because I my \"vicious rumors\". How I NEVER tried. How I never loved him. He said, \"I SHOULD OF DUMPED YOU years ago.\"
I should be happy. I should. But my heart and just aches and I can\'t stop crying because I let his words in my head. I let him make me believe that it\'s my fault.
Like you said, they can do no wrong. He\'s the victim. And I know he loves that he\'s turned this all around on me and once again, I feel like he has me.
Thank you so much for being there for me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Hugs to you too.