saddness stays the same

7-20-09  It just seems like the saddness stays the same.  The days past and life goes on but a part of me just is stuck.  Thoughts of Boyd make me happy yet sad at the same time. I have lost my Dad and sister and many others and I was sad but this is so different.  A part of me died with Boyd and I know I'll never get it back.  I love him so much and I want to be with him but know God will determine that and for now my kids need me here. But our love was so very special.