Sadderday
Dearest,
I went to visit you today. I told you all my problems, talked about the holidays and cried. I placed a little greenery in front of your headstone and I thought it looked so sad. As I looked up through my watery eyes I saw a plot behind yours. It had a full sized, fully decorated Christmas tree with solar lights and everything. It also had a decorated wreath and pictures and candles, what is going on there? I walked over and saw that it was a males name, a little quick math revealed that he was just 18 and he died last month. A grief fresher than mine. A tragedy greater than ours. Every parents nightmare.
Then I went to Audubon. I don't know how I'm driving with tears streaming down my face. I felt a little better when I got there. I was playing with my lil buddy and he was sitting on my head, as usual. Then Ed gave him something. "What are you doing?" Feeding him mice. He was feeding him mice on my head! I'm going to have mouse blood and guts all in my hair! Ed laughed at me and said "So? You gotta take a shower when you get home anyway." Not cool, very gross in fact. I don't want mouse guts in my hair! Who the hell does?
I didn't get much accomplished today. Because I could sleep as late as I wanted to I was up before the alarm. Did a few chores started a load of laundry, ate and went back to sleep. Woke up, ran errands, put the laundry in the dryer ate and went back to sleep. See a pattern developing? Woke up went to see you and went to Audubon, hung up the clothes and went back to sleep. Now I'm up again, ate, gonna watch a movie and, guess what? Go back to sleep, tadaa. I don't know what I'm gonna do without you. No tree, no wreath, no presents. Christmas without you will never be the same. There's nothing left of Christmas, only memories remain.
missing you, Your Ken
I went to visit you today. I told you all my problems, talked about the holidays and cried. I placed a little greenery in front of your headstone and I thought it looked so sad. As I looked up through my watery eyes I saw a plot behind yours. It had a full sized, fully decorated Christmas tree with solar lights and everything. It also had a decorated wreath and pictures and candles, what is going on there? I walked over and saw that it was a males name, a little quick math revealed that he was just 18 and he died last month. A grief fresher than mine. A tragedy greater than ours. Every parents nightmare.
Then I went to Audubon. I don't know how I'm driving with tears streaming down my face. I felt a little better when I got there. I was playing with my lil buddy and he was sitting on my head, as usual. Then Ed gave him something. "What are you doing?" Feeding him mice. He was feeding him mice on my head! I'm going to have mouse blood and guts all in my hair! Ed laughed at me and said "So? You gotta take a shower when you get home anyway." Not cool, very gross in fact. I don't want mouse guts in my hair! Who the hell does?
I didn't get much accomplished today. Because I could sleep as late as I wanted to I was up before the alarm. Did a few chores started a load of laundry, ate and went back to sleep. Woke up, ran errands, put the laundry in the dryer ate and went back to sleep. See a pattern developing? Woke up went to see you and went to Audubon, hung up the clothes and went back to sleep. Now I'm up again, ate, gonna watch a movie and, guess what? Go back to sleep, tadaa. I don't know what I'm gonna do without you. No tree, no wreath, no presents. Christmas without you will never be the same. There's nothing left of Christmas, only memories remain.
missing you, Your Ken
Replies
You are right Ken. Christmas will never be the same. Nothing will ever be the same but I hope that we can find a new kind of happiness while we are left here on this lonely earth. Blessings and Peace to you. Diane
I agree...Christmas or nothing else will ever be the same. We just have to try and find a new \"normal\" for us whatever that may be. I wonder if I will ever find that.
Hugs,
Jean
In my book doing laundry is getting a lot accomplished...:)
You have gotten more done in one day that I usually do in several. Right now this time is your do do with as you see fit. So waht if you work eat and sleep. I do agree with you about the mouse guts, eweeeeeeeee. I can deal with cat torn up left overs in my living room, but not on my head!!!!!!!! After two years I finally set out a few Xmas things, no tree yet, maybe next year if the downstairs is completed enough to allow the room. Have a good week end and dodge the snow. Jane
Ken,
Eat, sleep, wake, walk. Repeat. One step at a time. Even in the midst of my own grief and pain I cannot imagine the immense suffering of a family placing a Christmas tree on their 18 year old\'s grave. OMG. That would have knocked me off my feet.
Linda
This was a great entry, a little bit of everything in there. Oh the 18 yr old\'s grave just broke my heart. sometimes I guess we need those reminders to show us others are bearing much more. Shortly after Dan\'s death, 3 of my customers lost children ages 7, 5, and 7. One to cancer and 2 to meningitis. It sure made me look at things differently.
The eat, sleep cycle sounds like a healing cycle to me. And the mouse guts? I won\'t go there but boy did I get a laugh (sorry - I was laughing with you not at you I promise).
Heartbreak, laughter, inspiration - this entry had it all.
Take care
Angie