Sadderday
Dearest,
Aye, tis been a long bit since last I writ. I’ve been spending my time doing chores, taxes, and all the other mundane daily trivia of life. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, cue ominous background music, thinking about life and death, mine mostly, yours sometimes, ours often. Remember my stories about teaching Kristin about being lost in the woods? All the basic steps, all the fundamental rules? Don’t panic, don’t run, assess your situation, survival decisions, and all that? I thought I was teaching her one thing but as it turns out I was teaching so much more. I was learning as much as she. Then her stories about the times she got lost and attacked by turkeys, chased by deer, etc. How amused old dad was by those stories, how surprised she was that dad wasn’t worried about her or afraid that she couldn’t handle herself. My confidence in her boosted her own self-confidence. Remember how puzzled I was at her anger at her friends that panicked and went running through the forest when the announcement was made that “We are lost!”
I have been watching and listening to those who like me are recently bereaved. I was getting quite upset at many of them. They almost always try to run. They run to drugs, alcohol, religion, relationships, or even actually physically run to a new place a new venue. I wanted to just throttle them and shout “Stop It!” That wouldn’t have been very constructive, I sought the counsel of wiser and calmer souls. My anger and frustration were consuming me and would soon impede my thinking. You were not much help I’m afraid. I was given much good advice, some good insights, and realized that my anger was based on my own unrealistic expectations. People are people and most don’t know about being lost. Most don’t have the skills to cope with being lost. We are lost, and afraid. We don’t know the way, we don’t have a direction to face. I can only deal with myself, I can’t be responsible for any others, I can’t lead, I can’t even advise. All I can do is walk my own path, find my own way. Getting lost is the first part of every adventure. I’m not so sure I’m ready for any more adventure. I’m too damn old, but as long as I’m still breathing I think the rule is I have to go on. The panic and flight won’t work for them, sooner or later they’ll have to face themselves. They’re not my responsibility, I can’t find my own way yet, how would I help anyone else?
For the moment, is there ever any more than that? I’ll busy myself with finding my way, remembering what was and dreaming of what could be. You are with me always. I’m beginning to understand more than before.
Till the wind stops blowing, I will be Your Ken
Aye, tis been a long bit since last I writ. I’ve been spending my time doing chores, taxes, and all the other mundane daily trivia of life. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, cue ominous background music, thinking about life and death, mine mostly, yours sometimes, ours often. Remember my stories about teaching Kristin about being lost in the woods? All the basic steps, all the fundamental rules? Don’t panic, don’t run, assess your situation, survival decisions, and all that? I thought I was teaching her one thing but as it turns out I was teaching so much more. I was learning as much as she. Then her stories about the times she got lost and attacked by turkeys, chased by deer, etc. How amused old dad was by those stories, how surprised she was that dad wasn’t worried about her or afraid that she couldn’t handle herself. My confidence in her boosted her own self-confidence. Remember how puzzled I was at her anger at her friends that panicked and went running through the forest when the announcement was made that “We are lost!”
I have been watching and listening to those who like me are recently bereaved. I was getting quite upset at many of them. They almost always try to run. They run to drugs, alcohol, religion, relationships, or even actually physically run to a new place a new venue. I wanted to just throttle them and shout “Stop It!” That wouldn’t have been very constructive, I sought the counsel of wiser and calmer souls. My anger and frustration were consuming me and would soon impede my thinking. You were not much help I’m afraid. I was given much good advice, some good insights, and realized that my anger was based on my own unrealistic expectations. People are people and most don’t know about being lost. Most don’t have the skills to cope with being lost. We are lost, and afraid. We don’t know the way, we don’t have a direction to face. I can only deal with myself, I can’t be responsible for any others, I can’t lead, I can’t even advise. All I can do is walk my own path, find my own way. Getting lost is the first part of every adventure. I’m not so sure I’m ready for any more adventure. I’m too damn old, but as long as I’m still breathing I think the rule is I have to go on. The panic and flight won’t work for them, sooner or later they’ll have to face themselves. They’re not my responsibility, I can’t find my own way yet, how would I help anyone else?
For the moment, is there ever any more than that? I’ll busy myself with finding my way, remembering what was and dreaming of what could be. You are with me always. I’m beginning to understand more than before.
Till the wind stops blowing, I will be Your Ken
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