sad today but better then yesterday

i'm so tired of beating myself up with regret. one bad decision in life and i can't forgive myself...i can't continue to beat myself up over a bad decision. i wish i could make it all go away but right now i can't it will be years before that happens. do i continue to live with depression/anxiety for years....NO! i can not live like this until everything is back to normal...or at least my idea of normal. so what do i do?   i'm going to my first therapy session thursday...i will enjoy talking about my issues but i know that ultimately i have to figure this out on my own. my family and friends (my DS friends for sure!) have been awesome and helped me to find the right path...but i need to unlock to gate to continue on the path to being happy again. i was happy once...then i made a mistake...one that was supposed to be a good thing but turned into a nightmare. i have to tackle this anxiety/depression in-order to live again! then once this mistake is finally over i can at least say i learned something positive. i just took a walk...its nice and sunny today :) i went to my old ball field and everything is the same! sometimes it makes me sad though. i remember how simple life was playing ball and riding our bikes in the field. it makes me sad sometimes when i think only 4 years ago i was on top of the world...now it feels the world is on top of me :( i know that some day i will be back! i hope that my dark days now do not cause me to lose my beautiful girlfriend....or my job...or my friends. please God let the day come soon when i can look back at this time as a small bump in the road of life! right now it feels like everyday is forever in darkness... i have to end on a positive note...at least my team won last night! there...not so dark after all :)