Sad today
Yesterday I cried all the way home from work. I really am not sure what the trigger was. It could've been that since the weather has turned cold and it is dark when I leave work that it brings back the feelings from last year since Eddie passed in September of last year and many rides home last year at this time were spent crying and screaming. Or maybe there was no trigger other than missing him.
I had a dream about Ed last night. I dreamed that I said to him in the dream, "Was it hard for you to leave me?" He didn't respond - just looked sad. Then the rest of my dream I asked if I could touch him. Again he didn't respond and I couldn't really touch him. There wasn't a barrier I could see, but there was a barrier. I did feel like I had touched him with my hands at some point in the dream, very lightly with my fingertips, like I couldn't really reach him, but did. Again the barrier! I hate the barrier, but it is what it is. Maybe the barrier is just that he's in Heaven now and I'm not. That's a good thing, right? Let's go with that!
Thanks for listening. I feel better now. I had to share this with people who understand. Ken this morning, when I woke up crying said, "Wow, I'm sorry. Its never gonna end for you, is it?" He wasn't being mean, just an observation. He loved Eddie, but didn't raise him. Eddie was 19 when we met. I said, "No, my heart is broken. In Heaven when we are reunited it will heal."
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for my promise that I'll see Eddie again. Thank you for letting me be his mom for the years I had him. In Jesus's name, Amen.
Hi Ed, I miss you and love you every second of every day. I'm trying to honor God and honor your life with the rest of my life. I miss your sweet spirit although some days I can feel it. I will continue to look after your kids and Elaine. We all love you and miss you so! Mom xxoo
I had a dream about Ed last night. I dreamed that I said to him in the dream, "Was it hard for you to leave me?" He didn't respond - just looked sad. Then the rest of my dream I asked if I could touch him. Again he didn't respond and I couldn't really touch him. There wasn't a barrier I could see, but there was a barrier. I did feel like I had touched him with my hands at some point in the dream, very lightly with my fingertips, like I couldn't really reach him, but did. Again the barrier! I hate the barrier, but it is what it is. Maybe the barrier is just that he's in Heaven now and I'm not. That's a good thing, right? Let's go with that!
Thanks for listening. I feel better now. I had to share this with people who understand. Ken this morning, when I woke up crying said, "Wow, I'm sorry. Its never gonna end for you, is it?" He wasn't being mean, just an observation. He loved Eddie, but didn't raise him. Eddie was 19 when we met. I said, "No, my heart is broken. In Heaven when we are reunited it will heal."
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for my promise that I'll see Eddie again. Thank you for letting me be his mom for the years I had him. In Jesus's name, Amen.
Hi Ed, I miss you and love you every second of every day. I'm trying to honor God and honor your life with the rest of my life. I miss your sweet spirit although some days I can feel it. I will continue to look after your kids and Elaine. We all love you and miss you so! Mom xxoo
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