sad things & hard times

My older bro, Kris, called me the other night... the girl he's crazy about and wants to marry broke up with him. he's very heart broken about it.... he sent me (thru email) the letters that corresponded between them. he asked for my help. i read thru them thoroughly and decided that i can see where she is coming from.  she stated that he is too controlling and tells her what to eat, what to wear, what she should do at work, etc. Kris can be very "opiniated" and i told him in my reply that it was how he presented it to her. that he shouldn't "tell" how to do things but instead ASK her if she would rather do this or do that. and next time to let her come to you if she wants your advice about people at work mistreating her. instead of saying "you need to do this..." or "you should do that..." maybe he should tell her that she deserves better than to be treated that way. you know, things like that. she sounds like a very independant woman who wishes to be "the ruler of her domain", so you may have to re-word how you make suggestions and stuff, i told him. besides, his letter to her did sound a bit "preachy" with the "should" and "need to"-s. and i noticed a pattern of him telling her how she felt instead of ASKING her how she felt. that if she was already pulling away, the letter would have pushed her away further. i told him to get the book called "The Five Languages of Apology" by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas. That this book has so far really helped Matthew and I, it explains what "sorry" is all about and why saying it is very important. kris called me back yesterday and told me he bought a whole series of their books! LOL! he told me that he really wants her back in his life and will do whatever it takes, even if it means he will change his ways. THAT was good news, especially coming from Kris! knowing him, he's been pretty bossy his whole life! he IS the oldest of us, and he always has to compete with the other siblings following ME instead of him. but, i don't tell anyone what to do. they come to me and ask, that's the big difference between him and me. for example, i never told my 2 younger brothers to join the military, but Sonnie went in 2 yrs after me, and Adi went in the USAF about 3 years ago. In fact, Kris himself just proved my point, he CAME to me for advice about his girl, right? i wasn't the one to initiate.   anyways, Kris is a mechanical engineer and for the last couple years been working for Harley Davidson, and over the last year or so, working out of Alabama. he told me that Harley is shutting down many of their shops all over the States, and they are laying off like a million people right and left. he told me "they are cutting heads, and every time they think that's all, they cut MORE heads" [heads=higher positions]. tht's really bad news. he stated that ever since HD beed cutting down, is when his relationship w/ Annie has gone south. he has been moved out of Milwauke [where she lives] back to Alabama. and the uncertainty of his job or location has put so much stress on him. ...poor guy. i really feel for him. i really hope she comes back to him and they work it out. in other news...Matthew came back from Texas [Monday] VERY UPSET. he had a very bad time in Texas, him and his best friend ended up arguing the whole time, and then towrds the end, Justin doesn't even care to be friends with Matthew anymore. Justin is also in the USMC and is about to deploy, that's why they spent time together. but he said that the Marines changed him, and that he's nothing but an asshole now. yeah... that happens, i guess, the Corps changes people, and often, to assholes. lol....but in all honesty, i do feel really bad for Matthew. he's not taking it very well at all. he's been angry, depressed, snappy, extra moody, and bitching about every freakin thing in the house he can find! it gets so bad i have to jump on him and yell at him to stop, cuz he'll start getting on my case for NO REASON. whenever i yell at him to stop, he'll stop....for the time being at least. i feel like i'm cought in the middle of everything and everyone's problems. maybe I should go on a vacation!!! i dreamt i went to Colorado and was hoping to hang out with my best friend, Chuck. it's been a couple years since i've seen him and i miss hangin out with him. he moved from the island cuz his bitch of an ex wife took his kids away from him. don't get me started on her!!! i could rip her throat out!!! anyways... i've gone on long enough here.... thanks for reading up on the issues in the family. if you pray, say a prayer for us. Lord knows peace and happiness need to be restored for us all. Kris is buddhist btw, which we still pray for him to turn to Christ. he was at one point years ago. but Buddhist is still better than Islam. anyways, God bless you all! thanks for all your support! take care.....

Replies

PeaceN2You
PeaceN2You

Speaking as a Buddhist it\'s a good place to be. You might want to check out \"Living Buddha, Living Christ,\" a great book that details the parallels between the teachings of both great men. We\'re really not that different :)

Saying prayers for your family - I\'m a bit confused about the \"control\" thing coming from a Buddhist, as it\'s very counter to the teachings, something you might want to take a look at, as maybe he might be helped by looking at where his faith might provide some solutions to his control issues.

Sorry you\'re having so much stress right now - hope it works out for all concerned.
deleted_user
deleted_user

people will should on us all through life...it feels good to say \"please don\'t should on me and I will not should on you\"
deleted_user
deleted_user

Dear Alicia, If Kris changes, it better be for himself. For some reason, telling yourself that you will change for somenone else, never works. All of us need to stop trying to be controllers. God is the only one fit to be in charge. If Lord Bhudda can cross the barrier between ego and true self to give Kris that message, he will have a chance. But don\'t think for a minute that this \"dream woman\" is ever going to be anything but who she is. Sounds like a person with too strong a sense of self to be controlled by anybody but her own Higher Power.

words to avoid: should must haveto and any sentence that begins with the word \"you\". Unless one is talking to the person in the mirror. That won\'t work either, but at least it hurts no one but the speaker. Mahalo. (is that right)?
deleted_user
deleted_user

Marines turned someone into an asshole? Say it ain\'t so!!! You and I both know that the Corps shows its best side outwards. The inward, amongst ourselves stuff, always needs work. My truth, take it or leave it. And you can choose not to be in the midst of all this. God will take charge, and let you know when He needs your help. Mahalo again!
deleted_user
deleted_user

Y\'all are in my thoughts and prayers! I hope things get better for y\'all soon......Miss and love ya!....
deleted_user
deleted_user

I hope Matt is doing better! this world is so crazy and in turmoil that it makes life extra stressful! just hang in there and do what your doin...supporting him is the best you can do!

I hope your weekend gets better..take him to that Thai restaurant and make him happy lol!!!!! big hug!!