Sad Messed Up Life

Almost 2 month's ago you left us,How could you Pat?Why didn't you take the medicine?You alway's thought you were invinciable.Now mine and the kid's life is all screwed up,lost house,can't have wennie dog cause of having to rent.Your truck blow's up 3 hour's after you died,the money problem's are still there.I just don't understand anything that has been going on,even your parent's don't call and check on us anymore,I wrote them and they haven't even answered the letter.It's like nobody care's if me and the kid's live or die,I know most of them have their own lives and are busy,but,they could take 5 min to call.I'm so freaking mad that you left us,It was so stupid,all u had to do was follow the doctor's order's and take your diabetic med, blood pressure med,all the medicines that they gave you after you had the stent put in,you weren't suppose to smoke,but, oh no you had to sneak and do that.When you were in MS with our son and were moving our stuff back here,Gomer told you to stop,come in his and my sister's home and rest and he would come help you,but,no u could not do that either,why? what if resting had put that heart attack off for awhile,cause when u got back home I was going to make you go to the heart doctor,u just didn't know that.Everything was planned out,we were getting back into our home,the home we loved and I was job hunting and you were going to start a job where u would make good money and be home every night.we had already started redesigning our home in our heads and knew how wonderful it wa going to be.All this is gone now,no more dreams, no more life worth living,all me and the kid's do is sit here and wonder how we are going to make it,we worry alot if we are doing the right thing staying in TN or should we go back to MS.I miss you constantly and so do the kid's but I just don't know how much more we can take.Yes,I am upset,scared and worried but,all in all I know that I will alway's love you and will be glad to come to heaven to be with you.I miss you.  Love 4ever  Mease