SAD LIFE

so its been some days i have not put something here. its just to much stuff in my mind which troubles me a lot and i spoke to my Psychiatrist about it but with my counselor as yet. My Psychiatrist knows more and much in dept about my life then my Counselor. I don' t know weather i trust her on not with my inner feelings and deep down pain. She seems OK but i just have feelings that when i opened up more she might not see the way i look at my life tree from past up to now. I have told her that some thing very very small good happen in my life and i have waited for that for some time. But i did not go into details with my Counselor. i have told her that i am upset and sad as to what has been happening through out the entire planet. I feel very angry towards to game the politicians are playing to people. It hurts me that POPE came to UK and he only apologies to the families of rape victims (with no regret or really sign of any feeling). But he did not fire on prosecute any of the priest who did this utterly horrible acts to these child's, which i may add that still might been happen as i write down. My heart goes out to those people who protested against GOVT. and POPE for all this time for this cruel act. But their voices were forced to made quite by the GOVT as so called TERRORIST ATTACK ON POPE. Who the hell (Muslim to blame again) in their real mind would try to kill him when everyone wants a justice from this man. So i guess whole this debate and his tour went fine once this plot was revealed and then within a day or so these so called TERRORIST was freed and no one seems to know what was the real plan and why the POPE did not say anything about it? It crushes me that all the organisations who demonstarted against the POPE visit did not make a good coverage on TV as they should have been till the end..but hey we all know santa does not exist so the media again lied to us..
anyway that is what i have in my mind to get out so here it is..
My counseling is not that good but i am trying very hard to get things out and i have told her that now that i understand it is a slow moving process so i will also take my time to say things as they appear in my mind..I have also seen my Psychiatrist the last time last Thursday but she has already referred me for a Psychologist. She did that last month or so but nothing happened, long story short she is in the process of sending another letter to them to take my case on and look at it very seriously hahahaha as they don' t care at the first place.I am also finding it hard to do the exercise at home given by my Counselor..so I really need some help and courage with that to brighten my day every day i guess.I am also going through some emotional things regards to an ongoing decision i have to come to terms with and i want see that how far that will go through in my life before i burst out.
I have not been able to put my mind to write my BIO not even start it yet arghhhhhhhhhhhh.. I am very angry that i have not even started it as yet not happy and feel down that i could not put my head into it..