Sad Day tomorrow
Tomorrow will mark the 1 year anniversary as to when I had my BFP which a few weeks later led to miscarriage. It really seems like just yesterday all this happened. I remember the roller coaster of emotions: the excitement then the stress then the disappointment then the unbelievable sadness. I remember feeling pregnant and how much I LOVED the feeling. I never had morning sickness, but my taste buds started changing and I just felt pregnant; I felt SO ALIVE and felt so blessed from God and felt like for the first time that I had purpose in this world. Unfortunately all that excitement had to end prematurely.
Today is so different. I thought I would be pregnant again by now and I am not. In fact I am starting to think that I did not even ovulate this month. I have been tracking my temps and they are all over the place. So, I guess it is annovulation:( I dont really know what the deal is unless my basal temp. is broken...LOL. Today my sister is pregnant and is due in a few weeks. I will be going to celebrate the birth of her baby...he baby is due around the time that I miscarried. So bitter and sweet. I am not sure how I will handle holding her new baby in my arms while knowing a year ago I miscarried my little one(s), the thought makes me tear up! Oh gosh, this is going to be hard. But I have to make it through and love my little nephew, and be excited for his birth!
Today is so different. I thought I would be pregnant again by now and I am not. In fact I am starting to think that I did not even ovulate this month. I have been tracking my temps and they are all over the place. So, I guess it is annovulation:( I dont really know what the deal is unless my basal temp. is broken...LOL. Today my sister is pregnant and is due in a few weeks. I will be going to celebrate the birth of her baby...he baby is due around the time that I miscarried. So bitter and sweet. I am not sure how I will handle holding her new baby in my arms while knowing a year ago I miscarried my little one(s), the thought makes me tear up! Oh gosh, this is going to be hard. But I have to make it through and love my little nephew, and be excited for his birth!
Replies
I am so sorry. When I had my chemical pregnancy, when i found out i was pregnant i wasn\'t trying to get pregnant and it was not a joyous (nor sad) moment. mostly i was afraid.when i lost the baby, i was shocked and saddened. but it gave me the notion that it wouldnt be hard to conceive. now i\'ve been ttc for about ten months now and i never would have thought it would have taken this long. and it definitely sucks when i think back \'if i had only been grateful when i had it, i wouldnt have lost it\' while logically i know thats not true, my heart still feels that way sometimes.
i know the next few weeks are going to be hard for you and nothing i can say will make it easer. but of course i\'m here if you want to talk and vent.
Thank you So very much for your kind words!!! I really appreciate it! I am hoping that the next few weeks wont be too difficult. It seems like I never know how I am going to feel...LOL Some days I am strong and I feel like I am past my lost and then other days, not so much. I hope and pray I can be strong for my sister\'s baby shower and the birth of her baby boy!!
I know exactly how you feel. Even though I was only pregnant a few days after I found out, it still bothers me. Some days are good for me too, and other days are harder. You are not alone!
I am so sorry you are having a hard time with this, my heart goes out to you. Losing a baby is never easy, I personally have not lost a baby, but a couple of my friends have and I have been there to pick them up at their lowest moments. You may not be as happy as you thought you may have been with your sister expecting but she understands i am sure. Take the time to enjoy spending time with your sister before the baby arrives and enjoy the precious moments with your nephew... being an Aunt is an amazing job to have!
I wish you all the happiness and baby dust so that your nephew will have a cousin soon to play with!
Just remember you are not alone!
Thank You:)