S.J. is hard to quit
S.J. is hard to quit. he is. i wanna write but i dont. why do i care? i let him in and out of my life. what is it? what is IT that keeps me wanting IT? It's not sex--sheesh he lives a billion miles away. if it was sex well then that would be easy. i get the whole sex thing. but its not. do i love him? maybe. do i want to divorce my husband so we can be together? that depends what day you ask me. so why do i let him take up space in my mind? is he "the one"? nah---every man ive ever been with has been "the one". there is something about him or the situation or about me or about something i have conjured up in my mind that says something about him. what? its been 10 years of this. and he's still hard to quit. S.J. is hard to quit.
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I think most people settle for less of a mate then what they really want. Not sure why that is, I guess we all just get tired of looking. Thats the way it was with me. I found the one I want but can\'t have her cos she lives in oklahoma and is married to a less then perfect mate. I take what she will give me and thats her friendship which means alot to me. Love you my friend! hugs
No I agree, it\'s not sex....but he clearly fills an empty space in your soul. I dk SJ and am not sure I\'ve ever heard you mention him before to me but if the relationship had gone on 10 years then it\'s part of you now and \"quiting\" as you put it, brings up anxiety..even if it\'s your choice...it will still stir up abandonment issues and leave that \"hole\" empty for a time.. The \"hole\" is the issue, not him. Figure out exactly what that \"need\" is he sometimes fulfills and you can figure out other ways of filling...the \"need\" or \"hole\" and I doubt very seriously that it\'s tied to any specific individual (my hunch is the \"hole\" or space or need is tied to feelings of loneliness, an undefined sadness, a need to feel special, to be \"seen\". to feel a \"connectedness\" to another...something that you\'ve never felt on any sustained basis...it\'s an emptiness created long, long ago in childhood where you felt invisible) it just seems it\'s connected to him because off and on... he\'s helped to lessen the craving that comes with the \"need\" at least more than most. But because in the end it\'s really about you and not something or someone outside of you and some part of you knows this and a deep belief no one will ever fill it in the way you need consistently...and here\'s the hard part, b/c of some lack in you (a lie btw), you stay stuck and swing back and forth....but after such a long time as others have come and gone, he\'s still there and so the lines have become blurred and even though he and the need are separate, it\'s not so clear anymore.... thus, it;s not surprising you can\'t \"quit\" him. Focus on the \"space\" and \"need\" he fills instead of him and it you came make them each distinct and separate, it will allow you the freedom to make the right choice for you.