Running Away

I have spent the last 20 months running away from the deep and profound grief that I feel from not having any relationship with my daughter or grandchildren.  I left a familiar job that I was proficient in to a high pressure job that I knew nothing about.  I decided to go back to school after 18 years to finish a degree.  These aren't necessarily bad things in and of themselves, but they are ways of running away from my pain, and running away from other people.  I have an excuse to not engage with my family and friends, because I have homework to complete.  I am too exhausted to talk.  I don't have time to do the holiday baking or to exercise.  I have an excuse not to perform as well at work or to not talk to my co-workers.  I can't take responsibility to be on a commitee  because I'm new and don't know anybody.  What I'm finding though is you can only run away so long from your problems before you have to sit down and face them.  If I don't the rest of my life will be a shambles.  Yes it is a terrible situation I am facing with my daughter, but I can't let the rest of my life fall apart.  While I have been hiding behind this other things, that is exactly what has been happening.  Nancy