Ruined

My son killed himself one month and 4 days ago. I feel wretched,wrecked,ragged,ruined. I know grief takes time. I let myself feel my feelings. I let myself cry. I talk to friends. Nothing helps and I don't expect it to. I am surviving. I am surviving for my other son and daughter. I don't want this to destroy their lives as well. I don't want my grief to make them constantly miserable.