Rough Week

It has been a rough week. Really fighting the depression. I did get to work 1 day. The first day I've had the opportunity to work in the three weeks of since school started. This automated system is killing me. I don't have the money to get the internet on my phone and I think that is how most people are getting the jobs. I love these kids around here sooooo much but subbing is getting harder and harder. I need a routine. I hate not knowing where I'll be and when. Kindergarten one day, high school the next. Every teacher is different with their plans. It is just getting hard and I want my own classroom so much I can hardly stand it. I am sure I've put in around 100 apps and only 1 interview. The interview went great. I was told I would have had a position if the other two ladies hadn't had so much more experience. Along with all this I am feeling the paranoia creep up again along with way to many negative thoughts.
I took myself off Welbutrin and Buspar about three months ago. I couldn't really tell any difference. The fibro pain was pretty this summer so I don't  know if that has anything to do with it.
Marriage seems to be getting worse every day. Rarely there is any communication. Since hubby told the boys I don't deserve any respect they have been really back talking me and putting me down. That makes it so much harder. I can feel myself going down a little each day and I sure do not want to be back where I was in 2009. I really wish I had insurance so I could go to my psychiatrist. He was very helpful but he was more about meds than anything. I get tired of taking pills!