Rough Time
I've been having a really rough time. Since I had those valves (whatever) I'm no longer able to maintain oxygen level above 88 when exerting myself. As soon as my oxygen drops I'm out of breath and can't go on. I can if I can get my airways opened up well and really pace myself but that's an all day endeavor. In my world with my job that is not possible. I've also been stuggling with a lot of lung congestion. I think I may have got a 'for real' cold. The fatigue is unreal. I have finally made the decision that I'm going to apply for disability. I just can't keep this pace going any longer. I need time for self care. I'm not sure of exactly how I'm going to go about it. I have to go through Railroad Retirement instead of social security. I know I am going to have to refinance my house 1st to get a loan where I can make the payments if I'm on disability. I will also need money to carry me through until the disability kicks in. I know I'm going to have to stop working. That is so scary for me. I've worked my entire life with very little time off. I would feel so guilty to 'just not go'! And as soon as I stop, so does the paycheck. How am I going to support myself? I don't know whether I should get my doctor onboard or what to do there. Also, not sure what to tell my work (they are of the mentality 'if they are down kick them. In July the spiration trial will be over and I should be able to get access to all the tests they've been running. I don't know, that is only a couple of months away. Right now, another week of work sounds like an eternity.
Replies
Shirley, Wow, you have a lot going on right now. I am amazed that you have been able to work as long as you have. I believe that your doctor will have to provide information regarding your condition on any disability application so I would definitely get him on board right away.
The giant step is the decision to retire. After that a plan on how to proceed is necessary and it sounds as tho you have that. It is very difficult to just not work after a lifetime of doing so but I personally felt that it was time to take care of me for a change.
From the sound of it, I think I would juggle carefully when to tell your workplace. Just know your employee rights down to the letter and what your options are.
I have been very anxious about the trials as you know and I just saw the research surgeon yesterday for a final check before all of the tests start. Right now my stats are fairly stable.
I would really like to wait until you find out if you do or don\'t have them but I don\'t think that is possible so I may have to jump into the water.
I will be thinking or you and you seem very organized so I know that you will figure this one out also but I will tell you that taking care of yourself is 100% better when you do not have the responsibility of a high stress job. Been there.
Hugs, Anna
Oh Shirley, Thank you so much for your beautiful hug! We\'re both really going through it, aren\'t we? So I\'m hugging you back, that\'s for sure. I hope that you did read my journal about when I got my disability. Even though you have to go through Railroad Retirement, I would check to see how much of this you can do online. There may even be a link to that on the ssa.gov website, if I\'m remembering things right. If Railroad is anything like ssa, then they will contact your doctors for your medical records, and you shouldn\'t have to talk to your doctors at all about it. I sure hope you can do it online, because it really makes it easier and speeds things up, too.
And yes, know all of your employment rights. I\'ve wondered for a long time about how you can continue to keep working at the pace you\'ve been doing. I\'m so sorry you are going through this. I remember so well, just trying to keep up with my mammoth workload, and walking to the car in the parking garage, and all that. It was just brutal. I can\'t wait for that trial to be done so you can find out everything.
Sweet Shirley, please know that I\'m thinking of you and hoping that things will work out for the best. Love you much! Sue
This does sound like a big transition for you! I would definitely try to get the Dr to help by saying that you are unable to work. I mean your work record definitely shows that you aren\'t a bum! You\'ve got to do what\'s best for you in spite of the misery your co-workers bring on! Maybe this won\'t be a slow process for you and everything will fall into place quickly. My thoughts and prayers are with you!