Rough Time

I've been having a really rough time.  Since I had those valves (whatever) I'm no longer able to maintain oxygen level above 88 when exerting myself.  As soon as my oxygen drops I'm out of breath and can't go on.   I can if I can get my airways opened up well and really pace myself but that's an all day endeavor.  In my world with my job that is not possible.  I've also been stuggling with a lot of lung congestion.  I think I may have got a 'for real' cold. The fatigue is unreal. I have finally made the decision that I'm going to apply for disability.  I just can't keep this pace going any longer. I need time for self care.  I'm not sure of exactly how I'm going to go about it.  I have to go through Railroad Retirement instead of social security.  I know I am going to have to refinance my house 1st to get a loan where I can make the payments if I'm on disability.  I will also need money to carry me through until the disability kicks in.   I know I'm going to have to stop working.  That is so scary for me.  I've worked my entire life with very little time off. I would feel so guilty to 'just not go'!  And as soon as I stop, so does the paycheck.  How am I going to support myself?  I don't know whether I should get my doctor onboard or what to do there.  Also, not sure what to tell my work (they are of the mentality 'if they are down kick them.  In July the spiration trial will be over and I should be able to get access to all the tests they've been running. I don't know, that is only a couple of months away.  Right now, another week of work sounds like an eternity.