Rough night

I can't imagine the rest of my life like this.  Doing all the things I have heard helps.  Grief counseling, working part time (although the job is a bummer), visiting daughters and grandkids, praying, reminding myself of all the good things in my life but I feel so lonely. I miss Ron. I miss his love, support, laughter, smell, his face, the way he told me he loved me, knowing he was there no matter what. Sold his truck to my son-in-law today.  They will never know how hard this is.  Will see it almost every day. They know I am sad and grieving but have no idea the depth of pain.  I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.  Sometimes my thoughts scare me.  I guess Father's Day was depressing.  I couldn't have found a better man to be a step-father to my daughters. He was already a part of our lives when the grandkids came along.  They never knew the term step-grandfather.  He was their papa. Ron was a man that needed love in his life (he had a tough life) and I am so glad that we met.  The last 15 years were filled with lots of love and laughter. He helped me through the death of my mother, brother, niece, sister-inlaw and the heart attack of my father.  I wish he could help me with this!