Rough Night

Last night I went through my cards and letters - got rid of all the cards and letters I got from my stbx.  That was difficult, I cried reading what I meant to him in the past and while I threw them in the trash.  It was hard but it is another way to remove some part of him from my life.  Next step is to move some stuff around - so it don't look the same as when he was there. 
We talked last night about the divorce - he says he cared about me and misses me sometimes, our friendship, but he don't want to be married anymore.  I told him I didnt want to be married either, I do and I don't, I don't want the marriage that he was offering me - I wish for the marriage that we had and I'm never going to get that back so it's better to move on and I know and understand that but understanding don't take away the pain and the hurt. 
I told him that I was going to miss him, not as a husband, but as a friend, cause is never going to be the same, we'll never get that friendship back.  I feel alone but not as a woman, I just miss my friend, the familiarity. 
It stings and it hurts and I'm slowly moving on, still can't stop thinking about him and I still long to talk to him, wish I didnt miss him like I do.