rough mornings...but getting better!

i don't want to get too excited yet but i think i may be slowly getting better! my mornings are still pretty bad and getting out of bed is really hard but my therapist said to look at it like a broken arm. it will heal with time but for now don't try to push too hard or get mad because of it....that made sense to me!  my situation is still the same...still freaked out about that place and hoping one day (several years unfortunately) it will be gone. until then i have to pay my bills and shut up! i'm sure i will continue to have up/down days. with the current economy i'm seeing lots of friends losing jobs and this scares me a bit. the "what if's" and "worst case scenarios" of everything are what brought me down this spiral stair case to hell in the first place! since my situation isn't going to change anytime soon i guess i have to try and change my thinking. easier said then done i suppose....but i'm slowly getting there! after falling so far down what i call the "spiral stair case to hell" i have to be patient taking those first steps back up! some days its hard to be patient when you feel so miserable inside but somehow even on the worst days you make it through.  on a positive note my anxiety has improved a lot over the last few weeks! its still present but not like before. my thoughts were racing 24/7 during the worst days. i don't know how i got any work done...but i did. my depression (mostly mornings) has been pretty nasty but i think time, meds, therapy and most important changing my own thought patterns about my current situation and events to come will begin to heal this as well. monday you may see a rambling journal of how bad my mornings are...hopefully that's not the case but it seem to be the pattern! i'm still going with the OK smiley face...i'm not yet optimistic enough to go with the GOOD smiley face...not yet...but soon! when all of this is over i'm thinking about volunteering to help others with this nasty illness...i don't think you can truly help someone in this condition unless you've been there yourself.... the weekend activities are shaping up! a boys night out tonight, date night tomorrow and hockey on sunday! do you think i can go for the trifecta of a good weekend? i guess we'll know on monday :)