Rough couple of weeks
So I've been kind of MIA lately on here and pretty much everywhere else. I've been breaking down lately and I feel like I'm losing this IF battle.
After returning from a much needed vacation mid Feb I received a call from my good friend (who knows what I have been going through) crying and telling me she was pregnant. Some people just do not have common sense. You are a couple weeks pregnant and you think its a good idea to call your friend who is going through hell that your pregnant. To hear her say "i'm just so happy" while she cried and had no brains to think how this would affect me just shocked me. After hanging up I was just numb - I couldn't even cry that's how numb I was. I then left work and got pulled over by state trooper for speeding. Crazy thing is I felt like I asked for it! How nuts am I? I knew I was going to get pulled over but I felt like I just wanted to be in control of a situation for once. He thankfully let me go with a warning- maybe he noticed it wasn't a good day, idk, but lesson learned. I will not be doing that again.
A couple days later I went in for my 2nd IUI then came the longest 2ww ever. The days were dragging. I was EXTREMELY anxious this time around. Yes, it probably had to do with the fact one of my closest friends was pregnant and I just didn't want this to alter our friendship. I just wanted to be pregnant so I could be there for her and be able to handle what's to come - like her growing belly, etc. Well about 3 days before my scheduled blood test she texts me saying "guess when my due date is..." "Gary's (my husband) birthday - isn't that funny" AGAIN - WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??!!
Then came the preg test - I really had myself believing I was pregnant. I never made it to a test, my period always comes before I get to take it, and it wasn't here yet, no spotting no period pimple no nothing. I was convinced. But it was negative :( I lost it. I shut everyone out - wouldn't answer calls, texts, I deleted Facebook. I just wanted to be left alone. Feeling that depressed just sucks. My pregnant friend just would not leave me alone either. Finally I answered her call and of course wish immediately that I hadn't. She must have said the word pregnant like 20x - again I was in the car driving home - I just kept taking deep breathes and got myself off the phone.
Last night I started to feel a little bit more like myself, finally. I am working on it and trying my best not to lose ME in this whole process. It's just really hard sometimes.
I am switching RE's. I have an appt with the new dr. this Friday. I've heard great things about them so I hope this journey ends soon. I have one last appt with my current RE this Wednesday to get a polyp checked out. Once that is taken care of I'm looking forward to putting together a new game plan and getting myself knocked up ;)
I also started reading 2 books - The Infertility Survival Handbook by Elizabeth Swire Falker and The Fertility Cure by Randine Lewis I'm enjoying them so far. Both are very informative.
I hope everyone is hanging in there! Thinking of you all xx
After returning from a much needed vacation mid Feb I received a call from my good friend (who knows what I have been going through) crying and telling me she was pregnant. Some people just do not have common sense. You are a couple weeks pregnant and you think its a good idea to call your friend who is going through hell that your pregnant. To hear her say "i'm just so happy" while she cried and had no brains to think how this would affect me just shocked me. After hanging up I was just numb - I couldn't even cry that's how numb I was. I then left work and got pulled over by state trooper for speeding. Crazy thing is I felt like I asked for it! How nuts am I? I knew I was going to get pulled over but I felt like I just wanted to be in control of a situation for once. He thankfully let me go with a warning- maybe he noticed it wasn't a good day, idk, but lesson learned. I will not be doing that again.
A couple days later I went in for my 2nd IUI then came the longest 2ww ever. The days were dragging. I was EXTREMELY anxious this time around. Yes, it probably had to do with the fact one of my closest friends was pregnant and I just didn't want this to alter our friendship. I just wanted to be pregnant so I could be there for her and be able to handle what's to come - like her growing belly, etc. Well about 3 days before my scheduled blood test she texts me saying "guess when my due date is..." "Gary's (my husband) birthday - isn't that funny" AGAIN - WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??!!
Then came the preg test - I really had myself believing I was pregnant. I never made it to a test, my period always comes before I get to take it, and it wasn't here yet, no spotting no period pimple no nothing. I was convinced. But it was negative :( I lost it. I shut everyone out - wouldn't answer calls, texts, I deleted Facebook. I just wanted to be left alone. Feeling that depressed just sucks. My pregnant friend just would not leave me alone either. Finally I answered her call and of course wish immediately that I hadn't. She must have said the word pregnant like 20x - again I was in the car driving home - I just kept taking deep breathes and got myself off the phone.
Last night I started to feel a little bit more like myself, finally. I am working on it and trying my best not to lose ME in this whole process. It's just really hard sometimes.
I am switching RE's. I have an appt with the new dr. this Friday. I've heard great things about them so I hope this journey ends soon. I have one last appt with my current RE this Wednesday to get a polyp checked out. Once that is taken care of I'm looking forward to putting together a new game plan and getting myself knocked up ;)
I also started reading 2 books - The Infertility Survival Handbook by Elizabeth Swire Falker and The Fertility Cure by Randine Lewis I'm enjoying them so far. Both are very informative.
I hope everyone is hanging in there! Thinking of you all xx
Replies
I am soooo sorry to hear you have had a hard time. But even worse, I cannot believe your friend. I know people who don\'t suffer with IF are clueless, but I still cannot understand how they can lack common sense. Sadly, I have been in your situation and I\'m sure everyone here has too. Its really painful and can be so isolating to deal with IF, but to deal with people\'s insensitivity just makes it that much worse. I hope you find success with your new RE and get your BFP soon. Hang in there. HUGS!
Thank you! xx I hate that we all have had \"those\" insensitive woman around us but I guess it just makes us stronger. Hope your feeling well! Best of luck with the mini ivf! :)
I\'m so sorry about your BFN. Going through that while having a friend tell you they are pregnant and being so insensitive really is hell. Sometimes I feel some people really don\'t get how hard IF can be.
I really hope your new RE has a great plan to get you your BFP.
Thanks, Roxy! I hope so too! Hope your 2WW flies by and you are right, miracles do happen! Good luck!