Rolling my eyes at myself...
Yeah, I tend to mess things up, lol...
I made a new friend over the past several months. N was funny, came from a big city area like I did (she - New York, me - Chicago/Milwaukee) and went through the culture shock as much as I did when I first moved out here. We connected really well, laughed lots, couldn't wait to get together to shop, gamble just a little (I'm not a gambler, just went along because she really enjoys it), hit the auction circuit (because I love auctions and she just went along because I enjoy it), shop, and shop, lol.... and then things changed. She began to show me her true personality...
Ok, before I explain this, I have to say one thing.... this isn't about her - it's about me.
As with any relationship, friendship or otherwise, we've had a couple of months to get to know each other, see if we connected. In the beginning it was awesome, we'd begin giggling the moment we got together - her husband would just roll his eyes at us but then would suggest we go do something together when we'd drive him nutty. I even found a sign for her as a friendship gift that said "Good thing we aren't sisters, no mother could handle us". But over the past month, I began to find myself irritated.... we'd go shopping and I'd have a deadline to get back for a job call, and she'd not only blow me off, but would "almost" (I'm sure for real) intentionally drag her feet and make me late because I'm waiting for her to STOP looking at that salt shaker in the dollar store like it's a valuable piece of CHINA!!! SIGH.
She began to call me to have me run her around for errands as if I were her taxi service. She would offer to pay me for gas, but never did. She began to TELL me that on specific dates, I WOULD be driving her to Deadwood to gamble or Belle Fourche to get her groceries when a better grocery store was just 2 blocks away from her apartment... not ask, mind you, but TELL, and when I'd hesitate or question or say I had work to do, she'd get defensive. She'd do nasty things to piss off her neighbors in the apartment across the hall, but then would complain about how she didn't have any friends. Lately, I'd go pick her up (I drove because I get car sick easily) and she'd walk out of her building with a snooty, pissed off look on her face and nose stuck up in the air like she was getting into a limo (at first that made me laugh, she was getting into the Mutt Bus for goodness sakes!)....
And what did I do about it? Nothing. Well, almost nothing - I got irritated. I'd find myself grumbling about it on the way back home every time. I KNEW I was supposed to pay attention, do something different, but as usual in my old co-dependent way, I just ignored it....
UNTIL last Wednesday... A few weeks ago, she said she wanted me to teach her how to use a computer and help her shop for a car because hers was getting old and needed lots of repair. I was fine with this - thought it would be fun actually, offered to show her my old Windows computer to get her used to the basics, and then teach her how to use a Mac as well so she could decide which one would be right for her, and from using the computer (internet), we'd go car shopping. We set up times to get together so that she could come over... and I cleaned the house top to bottom each time because I didn't know if she'd have any trouble with my animals (I later found out she had animals in the past so it wasn't an issue)....
First time she didn't show, she said it was because it was a misunderstanding...
Second time she didn't show, she said she just forgot...
Third time she didn't show, she just didn't show. I'd sat around my house for 10 hours waiting for her and she just didn't show, no phone call...
And that's when I realized I had let another narcissist into my life. GEES, I must attract them for some reason...
Irritated? OH YEAH... ANGRY.... at myself for doing it AGAIN...
Our friendship was over in that moment. I did something right then that began a new stage in my life (more on that in a minute) and while I was gone, she called and left a message on my answering machine. She wanted to know if I still wanted her to come over (like could she sound any less enthusiastic about it!)... and I didn't return her call... she called again later, again no apology, and left a message to call her... I didn't... called again the next afternoon and hung up before the machine kicked in... called again last night on her cell phone as if to trick me into picking it up - though it only rang once... and again I didn't pick up. I FULLY expect her to come over all gushy to take control over our friendship again, but I'm not having it...
I thought about this, telling her why I'm done with the friendship isn't gonna go anywhere expect to make ME more angry, more irritated. Because I KNOW she won't "get it"... So I'm not. I'm just going to move forward with my life on my own again and it feels GOOD....
And so, that thing I mentioned that I went and did? Well, I'd been working hard, researching, following leads... going through and improving my business plan for the dog business, and I realized that EVERYTHING I need is at the last location I looked at... no building permits required because it's already exactly laid out as I need it, perfect location, perfect businesses surrounding the area (a vet and a groomer), a little high priced, but I think worth it because of the location... and I put an offer in on it! I took 3 days to think about it... The real estate agent had told me that there was another offer coming in the works... something else (guardian angel perhaps?) told me this wasn't true and that it was mostly likely that the contract he had with the owners was expiring. It had been for sale for over a year - funny, it wasn't even on my radar back then, so obviously I wasn't ready. I made a list of all the things I wanted done/finished (the owner's upgrading it), and then put down a price.... something told me that this price - though lower than he wanted, and higher than I wanted - was still reasonable enough for him to go for it if he was really serious about selling it...
While N was calling, I was sitting in the realtor's office going over everything... for 3 hours. I don't think I've ever had 3 hours fly by so fast! I put A LOT of stipulations on the offer... that it has to meet inspection, that it has to be under appraisal (it won't be), and that it is contingent upon obtaining financing and permits for my business, that the chain link fence needs repair, new doors, new decks, skylights repaired (it was in a hail storm), new roof, and water certified to be drinking safe (it's a well). When I gave the agent my list of "demands", he said it was the most thorough list he's ever gotten... we went over the paperwork and disclosures on the property and he said that even though there's nothing on the disclosure saying there's any liens, he believes there is... apparently the owners' divorce and other business matters has brought on some judgments... Oh, and that other offer coming in the works apparently doesn't exist... :)
The deadline for my offer was yesterday at 5pm... at 4:45, the realtor called and said the owner has requested an extension to reply (YES!) - he wants to go over it with his ex-wife who is co-owner on the property. What this means is that I've HIT IT! The fact that it's moved on for the ex-wife to look at is AWESOME because he's said no 2 times already because it wasn't the price he was looking for - BEFORE even getting to the ex-wife. And that means that I've made him VERY interested. The two other offers didn't even get this far...
SO, I figure we're going to be going round and round on this for some time... The appraisal is going to throw us back into negotiations more than once, but that actually works in my favor... Some of the research I've been doing showed that comparable properties are listed at $50,000 LESS than what I offered, so when it comes in, I'm going to start over at the lower amount - because there's no way they'll sell the property if it's not 20% less than the appraisal. And in the meantime as I wait for this to come to reality, I have SO MUCH to do to get ready, I'm going to need that time in between. And N being in my life would have been a major hinderance/distraction... yep, I think I'm moving forward toward my DESTINY!
LATER!
I made a new friend over the past several months. N was funny, came from a big city area like I did (she - New York, me - Chicago/Milwaukee) and went through the culture shock as much as I did when I first moved out here. We connected really well, laughed lots, couldn't wait to get together to shop, gamble just a little (I'm not a gambler, just went along because she really enjoys it), hit the auction circuit (because I love auctions and she just went along because I enjoy it), shop, and shop, lol.... and then things changed. She began to show me her true personality...
Ok, before I explain this, I have to say one thing.... this isn't about her - it's about me.
As with any relationship, friendship or otherwise, we've had a couple of months to get to know each other, see if we connected. In the beginning it was awesome, we'd begin giggling the moment we got together - her husband would just roll his eyes at us but then would suggest we go do something together when we'd drive him nutty. I even found a sign for her as a friendship gift that said "Good thing we aren't sisters, no mother could handle us". But over the past month, I began to find myself irritated.... we'd go shopping and I'd have a deadline to get back for a job call, and she'd not only blow me off, but would "almost" (I'm sure for real) intentionally drag her feet and make me late because I'm waiting for her to STOP looking at that salt shaker in the dollar store like it's a valuable piece of CHINA!!! SIGH.
She began to call me to have me run her around for errands as if I were her taxi service. She would offer to pay me for gas, but never did. She began to TELL me that on specific dates, I WOULD be driving her to Deadwood to gamble or Belle Fourche to get her groceries when a better grocery store was just 2 blocks away from her apartment... not ask, mind you, but TELL, and when I'd hesitate or question or say I had work to do, she'd get defensive. She'd do nasty things to piss off her neighbors in the apartment across the hall, but then would complain about how she didn't have any friends. Lately, I'd go pick her up (I drove because I get car sick easily) and she'd walk out of her building with a snooty, pissed off look on her face and nose stuck up in the air like she was getting into a limo (at first that made me laugh, she was getting into the Mutt Bus for goodness sakes!)....
And what did I do about it? Nothing. Well, almost nothing - I got irritated. I'd find myself grumbling about it on the way back home every time. I KNEW I was supposed to pay attention, do something different, but as usual in my old co-dependent way, I just ignored it....
UNTIL last Wednesday... A few weeks ago, she said she wanted me to teach her how to use a computer and help her shop for a car because hers was getting old and needed lots of repair. I was fine with this - thought it would be fun actually, offered to show her my old Windows computer to get her used to the basics, and then teach her how to use a Mac as well so she could decide which one would be right for her, and from using the computer (internet), we'd go car shopping. We set up times to get together so that she could come over... and I cleaned the house top to bottom each time because I didn't know if she'd have any trouble with my animals (I later found out she had animals in the past so it wasn't an issue)....
First time she didn't show, she said it was because it was a misunderstanding...
Second time she didn't show, she said she just forgot...
Third time she didn't show, she just didn't show. I'd sat around my house for 10 hours waiting for her and she just didn't show, no phone call...
And that's when I realized I had let another narcissist into my life. GEES, I must attract them for some reason...
Irritated? OH YEAH... ANGRY.... at myself for doing it AGAIN...
Our friendship was over in that moment. I did something right then that began a new stage in my life (more on that in a minute) and while I was gone, she called and left a message on my answering machine. She wanted to know if I still wanted her to come over (like could she sound any less enthusiastic about it!)... and I didn't return her call... she called again later, again no apology, and left a message to call her... I didn't... called again the next afternoon and hung up before the machine kicked in... called again last night on her cell phone as if to trick me into picking it up - though it only rang once... and again I didn't pick up. I FULLY expect her to come over all gushy to take control over our friendship again, but I'm not having it...
I thought about this, telling her why I'm done with the friendship isn't gonna go anywhere expect to make ME more angry, more irritated. Because I KNOW she won't "get it"... So I'm not. I'm just going to move forward with my life on my own again and it feels GOOD....
And so, that thing I mentioned that I went and did? Well, I'd been working hard, researching, following leads... going through and improving my business plan for the dog business, and I realized that EVERYTHING I need is at the last location I looked at... no building permits required because it's already exactly laid out as I need it, perfect location, perfect businesses surrounding the area (a vet and a groomer), a little high priced, but I think worth it because of the location... and I put an offer in on it! I took 3 days to think about it... The real estate agent had told me that there was another offer coming in the works... something else (guardian angel perhaps?) told me this wasn't true and that it was mostly likely that the contract he had with the owners was expiring. It had been for sale for over a year - funny, it wasn't even on my radar back then, so obviously I wasn't ready. I made a list of all the things I wanted done/finished (the owner's upgrading it), and then put down a price.... something told me that this price - though lower than he wanted, and higher than I wanted - was still reasonable enough for him to go for it if he was really serious about selling it...
While N was calling, I was sitting in the realtor's office going over everything... for 3 hours. I don't think I've ever had 3 hours fly by so fast! I put A LOT of stipulations on the offer... that it has to meet inspection, that it has to be under appraisal (it won't be), and that it is contingent upon obtaining financing and permits for my business, that the chain link fence needs repair, new doors, new decks, skylights repaired (it was in a hail storm), new roof, and water certified to be drinking safe (it's a well). When I gave the agent my list of "demands", he said it was the most thorough list he's ever gotten... we went over the paperwork and disclosures on the property and he said that even though there's nothing on the disclosure saying there's any liens, he believes there is... apparently the owners' divorce and other business matters has brought on some judgments... Oh, and that other offer coming in the works apparently doesn't exist... :)
The deadline for my offer was yesterday at 5pm... at 4:45, the realtor called and said the owner has requested an extension to reply (YES!) - he wants to go over it with his ex-wife who is co-owner on the property. What this means is that I've HIT IT! The fact that it's moved on for the ex-wife to look at is AWESOME because he's said no 2 times already because it wasn't the price he was looking for - BEFORE even getting to the ex-wife. And that means that I've made him VERY interested. The two other offers didn't even get this far...
SO, I figure we're going to be going round and round on this for some time... The appraisal is going to throw us back into negotiations more than once, but that actually works in my favor... Some of the research I've been doing showed that comparable properties are listed at $50,000 LESS than what I offered, so when it comes in, I'm going to start over at the lower amount - because there's no way they'll sell the property if it's not 20% less than the appraisal. And in the meantime as I wait for this to come to reality, I have SO MUCH to do to get ready, I'm going to need that time in between. And N being in my life would have been a major hinderance/distraction... yep, I think I'm moving forward toward my DESTINY!
LATER!
Replies
Excellent news on the property and your dreams!
Sometimes with people like N I remind myself of the reason, season and lifetime thing about friends. Sounds like N provided some wonderful (time limited) friendship and companionship. That reason is now perhaps moving on and you will let her go with grace and dignity.
Wow!! I wish I had your incite to people!. I have a really old friend(I think I will now call her \"acquaintance\")that has kinda strung me along like your friend did, she promised and asked to go to Bingo with me. Her husband even encouraged her to go. So I made a date, she agreed, we discussed time, when it was good for here, came to my house on Friday, just to make sure she wouldn\'t get lost on Sunday morning. Spent several hours with me, chatting about what I \"should\" be doing and not! Then right as she is driving away, says \"oh if something comes up at the last minute can I text you? and you won\'t mind right?\" At 10:45pm she texts and says she thinks she has a cold coming, her husband has a bad ear ache(both of those I would have accepted, right or wrong)and the real reason she could not come, was because her son (20years old almost 21, no job, barely graduated high school, girl friend that he buys a diamond promise ring with money from Mom&Dad,) is at Disneyland and won\'t be coming home until 1AM and she won\'t be able to get enough sleep to be at my house at 8am to go to Bingo. She is constantly telling me to not worry or do anything about my kids \"Just forget them!. Yet she babies this gangster son of hers, who is disgusting to meet. I have never complained too much about him, as I know she loves him. But this was too much......I have not called her in over 3 weeks. She has not called or texted me. I will tell her if I ever see her again, why I have had no contact, it probably won\'t do any good, except she will never talk to me again. But at this point, is that really a bad thing? Nope. So, I do wonder why we attract these kind of people, if you find out why, let me know. I am so, so glad that you have found your opportunity to have your dream business. I know if it is meant to be, it will happen. I really think this might be the time!!! Best wishes and thanks for letting me vent about an acquaintance of mine. (((HUGS TO YOU AND YOUR DOGS)))
You are doing so well. You are right on top of this business deal. I know you will get your business started and do well.
My riding instructor is an N. When we got into it over that horse she showed who she really was. I cut her off and didn\'t put up with any back and forth conversations. I got my money back too.
This new boarder is an N. Doesn\'t arrive when she makes an appt. I waited all morning the day of the storm to get Abe\'s new blanket and she arrived while I was gone. The most irritating woman I\'ve ever had to deal with. She only sees this horse once a month when she pays his board but she knows what is best for Abe.
I wonder why N\'s are attracted to me.
Wow. you sound strong.
And don\'t fret too much about the narcissist showing up. Give yourself a lot of credit for recognizing her patterns so fast. Not too shabby. and not too much damage done either!
Congrats on business plans coming together. :)
Cool journal. I\'ve not been around much, and it\'s good to see your dreams coming to fruition. Maybe the N was in your life for a while as a distraction, for a short time. She came, you had fun, when the fun was over, she\'s gone, and you are in a wonderful place. congrats!