ROLLERCOASTER!!
So, today I reluctantly returned to work.
It was very anxious and nerve racking for me to go back after the other day's incident with my boss belittling me and making me cry.
I told my sister that I pretty much felt like I was being dehumanized like they did with the concentration camp victims in Nazi Germany. She was breaking me down until I felt even less insignificant than I already do, which I thought was pretty impossible.
So nonetheless, I felt like I was traumatized and going back today seemed like I was returning to the scene of the crime. (Even though today is her day off and I knew she wouldn't be there, I felt sick at the thought of returning -- I know it's not a rational thought, anxiety ridden depressed people don't really think rationally anyways. )
I got myself there and then it was TOTALLY INSANE ALL DAY. soooooooooooooo busy and we are sooooooooo understaffed. And I'm constantly being pulled in 10 different directions, and I always have like a line of 4 people deep waiting to ask me questions. I barely had time to breathe, eat, or pee or take a drink of water. I felt like I got ASS RAPED by my job today.
It literally felt like I was on a rollercoaster for eight hours straight, and by the time the day was over, I barely knew what hit me and felt like I needed to collapse. Literally.....rollercoaster...eight hours........hang on for dear life.
It was very anxious and nerve racking for me to go back after the other day's incident with my boss belittling me and making me cry.
I told my sister that I pretty much felt like I was being dehumanized like they did with the concentration camp victims in Nazi Germany. She was breaking me down until I felt even less insignificant than I already do, which I thought was pretty impossible.
So nonetheless, I felt like I was traumatized and going back today seemed like I was returning to the scene of the crime. (Even though today is her day off and I knew she wouldn't be there, I felt sick at the thought of returning -- I know it's not a rational thought, anxiety ridden depressed people don't really think rationally anyways. )
I got myself there and then it was TOTALLY INSANE ALL DAY. soooooooooooooo busy and we are sooooooooo understaffed. And I'm constantly being pulled in 10 different directions, and I always have like a line of 4 people deep waiting to ask me questions. I barely had time to breathe, eat, or pee or take a drink of water. I felt like I got ASS RAPED by my job today.
It literally felt like I was on a rollercoaster for eight hours straight, and by the time the day was over, I barely knew what hit me and felt like I needed to collapse. Literally.....rollercoaster...eight hours........hang on for dear life.
Replies
This job may be trying to tell you that it is time to find another job. This may not be much of a comment, because finding and keeping a job in these times is a huge undertaking. Journaling and sharing are good outlets. I stuck to a job that paid well for 34 and three quarter years. Now that I am retired, I can see that it was a major contributor to the depression I had for cycle after cycle for years and years. One thing is for sure: No job is worth your health, physically or mentally. And when you are going through Hell, keep going. 8 hours is only 8 hours. And if the boss is abusive in front of witnesses, you have legal recourse. So these are my thoughts on your journal post. You have the ability to get it out in writing. This is going to be a big help to you.
Thanx for the feedback. There is truth to yer words. I wish it was easier for me to get out of there. If i didnt have two little mouths to feeed, i woulda walked out a loooooooooooong time ago. Job market is not that great right now for teachers and i feel i would be losing my soul if i went into something other than teaching. Plus, it would be a huge paycut. Thx for your thoughts. I will keep journaling