Rollercoaster

My life is such a roller coaster. Maybe everyones is. Maybe it's something I need to accept and work through or get over. Sometimes I think my life is so great, but other times, like today, I hate it with a passion. I know there are plenty of people that would love to have it. I know there are others with worse. At times I feel like if they want it so bad they can have it. I love my husband and kids, but sometimes I feel like I hate them. I know how horrible that sounds. I am a bitch sometimes. I believe that's what depression does to me. I feel like shit. I haven't been eating right. I haven't been getting enough sleep. And the sad part is that right now I don't really care. I know when this passes I will feel so much better and regret the word I say and the things I do when I am in this mood. Right now though I just want to be mad and hate the world. I feel angry, isolated, abused. neglected, etc. Most of it's not true, but it's the way I feel today. I just want to be left alone. I don't want to be a mom and wife. I just want my husband to do it all today and just let me be. I guess it's a good thing my rollercoaster doesn't drop this low that often. I am glad I am able to control my lonliness this time. There have been times, lower times, that I have felt so lonely that I've tried to turn to someone else. Whoever was gving me the attention I desired. Luckily I have always snapped out of it and realized I had all the attention I needed right at home. I just hope that some day I will find a away to control my depression so I can be happy all the time. Well, at least as much as a normal person can.