roller coaster day

What a roller coaster day I had today.  Generally, I like roller coasters but only in the amusement park, not the emotional kind.  Today the ride started out with a phone call from the adult leader of the Young Life group telling me that all the slots are filled for the summer camp (T is on the waiting list) and it's looking like there may not be a spot open for him.  The real reason, the leader revealed to me, is T might not be able to go is because of his behavior at summer camp last year.  I have talked to the leader about our situation since then, told hiim that T is doing very well, and explained to him that this year will be very different - by going into detail all that T went through,  how he's emerged into even a better person he was before, that he's been sober for nearly 3 months, that he has a strong support system, and that he doesn't want to go back but wants to move forward.  I was a bit taken back, at first, when he told me that T still may not be accepted - even after my explaination because I thought by telling him that T is doing well, that he would "get it".  I was upset with him, at first, but then after talking to him I completely understand where he's coming from.  I told him that things are really better and if he would just contact the people I suggested he call, then he would get a better understanding of where my son is.  I can tell that this guy really didn't want to be bothered.  I even offered to "lend" my oldest son whose in college to be one of the leaders at this camp.  My oldest is a college student leader of a high school in his college town.  The leader knows my oldest very well and said it was a possibility, but doubts the T would like having his brother - bascially babysitting him.  If it doesn't pan out, than we can deal with it and move on.  What ever happened to helping the lost sheep who have come home?  Guess they will have to find their own way.....So the ride continued to roll down...... Later in the day, when I picked up T at school ,and on the way to outpatient, I told him that he has tutoring tomorrow.  He flipped out saying that Tuesday is the only completely free day and he doesn't want to do it.  Sorry.....bud......  Well, my husband thinks I need to pick another day. Tuesday is the only weekend that will work.   I told hubby that one hour a week isn't enough and that Tuesday as well as Saturday or Sunday is what our son needs right now until further notice.  My husband really listened to T's feelings and believes there has to be another alternative.  I fell in love with my husband all over again when our babies were born....the way he interacted with them, his patience, his sensitivity, and his involvement with them.   Unfortunately, some of these attractive attributes I was drawn to have been a draw back in relation to raising and disciplining our son(s).  I feel like I have another kid on my hands sometimes.  It's very unsettling.  Fortunately, we had our first family group counseling session today and found it to be somewhat helpful.  My husband was the one who brought up the fact that he over rides me and admitted he did it recently, saying that what he did was wrong.  I am glad he brought it up because I wasn't comfortable doing so, in front of our son.     I talked to one of the counselors after the session and she picked up on the fact that my husband is very tentative regarding the discipline issue.  There was only one other boy in our 'therapy" group, which also included the young man's mom.  The mom admitted that she struggles with following through on a consequence of her son's behavior so much so that the mom started tearing and saying that she has a hard time doing so.  My husband piped up  and said that it was "normal".   I picked up on it and the counselor certainly did.  At least she saw it.   In addition......before group we met with T's counselor to go through the discipline contract that most rehab facilities require and found it to be a rather unpleasant experience.  Although most of the expectations and consequences we've been using were on the contract, T has very upset about seeing it in writing.  He said he wanted to leave the facility then and now.  Nice try T.....  Anyway, his gripe was discussed in group, and he continued to hold on to the idea that he sees his mistakes as punishments.  We all tried to explain to him the difference between the two, but he held fast that he sees no difference between consequences and punishment.  T is very good at stumping people.  He even had the juvenile detective and town magistrate back last summer stumped when we tried to get him to agree to choose the diversion program over the juvenile court route.  He is the Master of manipulation......and it was so evident at the meeting.  The counselor said that his "smarts" could hamper his recovery if he continues to debate everything.  He claims that he is doing well and that the treatment center is actually setting him back.  Honestly, I am not sure about this particular place because T commented that for most of the time he's there all he does is fill out forms. Forms and more forms -- in which the same questions are asked over and over again.  I was hoping this facility could help him get to the heart as to why he started using.  There may be an underlying issue or pain that may have caused him to engage in this behavior.  The counselor said there could be something there.  This particular person is a mental health counselor.  Maybe she can get to the source, if there is one.