Roller Coaster
My DH must have a keystroke logger on my computer...lol Every time I sit down and write about how we are drifting apart, he comes out of the blue with some affection and a tender message. Or maybe we are both just riding this roller coaster of emotions with all the crud we have going on?
I sat down about 1 hr ago and wrote a journal entry about how he has been acting very strange and pulling away and I even wondered if it was a deliberate way to ensure we do not get pregnant right now. Then my computer flipped out and my entry got lost (you should all be grateful...lol it was a BUNCH of whining). In disgust, went into the kitchen to tend to the dishwasher, which needed unloading and he suddenly came up behind me, wrapped his arms around me and kissed me.
QUICK HISTORY: We have been VERY VERY distant since we supposedly "reconciled"...he hasn't been receptive to me at all. He said he forgave me, but he was still so hurt by the horrible thing I said. (BTW, I think you ladies are right...he is just hurt because it is TRUE and he feels bad that he is relieved..even on the most minute level...that Matthew is gone.)
Anyhow, it is out of nowhere that he wants to be lovey-dovey again...which is fine with me. Of course he clarified that he is back to not wanting to TTC, (he was only on the Pro-side of it for a few minutes anyway). When you are dying to have a baby, there is nothing more loving that your DH can say, right? Oh well. I do treasure him. I am praying for him.
I sat down about 1 hr ago and wrote a journal entry about how he has been acting very strange and pulling away and I even wondered if it was a deliberate way to ensure we do not get pregnant right now. Then my computer flipped out and my entry got lost (you should all be grateful...lol it was a BUNCH of whining). In disgust, went into the kitchen to tend to the dishwasher, which needed unloading and he suddenly came up behind me, wrapped his arms around me and kissed me.
QUICK HISTORY: We have been VERY VERY distant since we supposedly "reconciled"...he hasn't been receptive to me at all. He said he forgave me, but he was still so hurt by the horrible thing I said. (BTW, I think you ladies are right...he is just hurt because it is TRUE and he feels bad that he is relieved..even on the most minute level...that Matthew is gone.)
Anyhow, it is out of nowhere that he wants to be lovey-dovey again...which is fine with me. Of course he clarified that he is back to not wanting to TTC, (he was only on the Pro-side of it for a few minutes anyway). When you are dying to have a baby, there is nothing more loving that your DH can say, right? Oh well. I do treasure him. I am praying for him.
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