Rock bottom
I've officially hit rock bottom. Last night, we folded and bought a case of beer. I know Adam wants me to get sober, but I don't think he realizes how much alcohol has a hold on him, too. He knows we can't have it in the house or I'll drink it. It's that simple. Yet, we went grocery shopping and of course, the liquor store is right there.
Thing is, we got home and had a few beers and he made supper and then he got called into work. So, he stopped drinking, got a ride to work, and that was it...for him. I started slamming beers like crazy. I feel terrible.
I called in sick today. Blamed it on my daughter, since she's been sick lately. Lord knows if I'll still have a job tomorrow. I think I'm going to sit down with my boss and not necessarily tell her my problem, but let her know that I have massive anxiety and I'm fucked up in the head...which is true.
At one point last night, I fell and broke a frame in my bedroom. Glass everywhere. This morning, I saw my butt in the mirror. I have a bruise the size of a softball. Not a baseball, a softball. I'm so sick of hurting myself, in more ways than one. I was on a downward spiral, I hit the bottom, and there's nowhere but up from here, right?
The thing is, there's still beer here. I can't bring myself to dump it cuz it's not ALL ours. The thought of drinking it just so it's gone has crossed my mind, but I really DON'T want to. I want a new beginning. I want to move forward.
Thing is, we got home and had a few beers and he made supper and then he got called into work. So, he stopped drinking, got a ride to work, and that was it...for him. I started slamming beers like crazy. I feel terrible.
I called in sick today. Blamed it on my daughter, since she's been sick lately. Lord knows if I'll still have a job tomorrow. I think I'm going to sit down with my boss and not necessarily tell her my problem, but let her know that I have massive anxiety and I'm fucked up in the head...which is true.
At one point last night, I fell and broke a frame in my bedroom. Glass everywhere. This morning, I saw my butt in the mirror. I have a bruise the size of a softball. Not a baseball, a softball. I'm so sick of hurting myself, in more ways than one. I was on a downward spiral, I hit the bottom, and there's nowhere but up from here, right?
The thing is, there's still beer here. I can't bring myself to dump it cuz it's not ALL ours. The thought of drinking it just so it's gone has crossed my mind, but I really DON'T want to. I want a new beginning. I want to move forward.
Replies
Adam needs to commit to you getting better too. He needs to hold true to HIS vows and support you when you\'re needing him too. That doesn\'t mean buying beer when you go grocery shopping. He is a HUGE part of this problem, whether he chooses to acknowledge it or not. You\'re not expected to get better without people around you who support you in it. You need people to pick you up when you fall- not ones that that shamelessly enable the drinking. You\'re an adult, I know you know that you\'re responsible. He needs to take claim for his part. And so does Josh if he\'s part of the problem. I love you, but I\'m not sugar coating. You are the only one who can say NO!