rock bottom

today hit rock bottom and i mean rock bottom  really wanted my life to end dont wont to be a burdden on my boys  espically luke my god iam the mum luke only18 NEEDS HIS LIFE  dont want to be a bured on him like my mum was on me and the only way out is to end my life is it the right to do it not sure am i hurting him adam paul not sure do i need help with the way i am feeling yes but maybe to proud to ask for help also very angry why did i have to lose my legs and be fucking stuck in this bloody wheelchair god works in strange ways have so much anry thoughts thats pissing me off so n
how do i get out of this big hole i have dug myself into how the bloody hell do i at the moment taking my life seems to be the only way the easy way should i fight to live no boys paul missy will be so much better without me and i will be NO BURDEN TO THEM like mum was to me how much hate love angry i have to my mum is so unreal even 18 years after she has died why the hell did she have to die the night i told he i hate her and went out to cooldown shit now i am being punished for that and that reson only and i would rather kill myself then put LUKE AND  paul and adam but manly LUKE THOURGH ALL THE PAIN IAM GOING THOURGHSO SCARED AND A LONE NOW maybe it is my time to die will be better of LUKE can have his on life and now getting angry  really angry with myself for written all this down and burdening my problems with my friiends so sorry but didnt have anybody else to turn to  whaaat a weak person iam but boy do i need help big time help how easy would it be to sleep aaaaand not waaake up my beaautiful boys LUKE anddadam would be so much better off without their cripple mum  just dont want to be a burned  now i being betrayed by everyone  even paul now you know why i dont ask for help if only people listen to me  fucxkenb bullshit   hate everyone most of all myself see what happens when you  say you need help how can i be happy fucken just lost my legs  cause iam angry  dont  care anymore