rock and a hard spot

So I'm to the point of wanting a divorce again.  I'm just not in love any more and I'm miserable with everything.  I love my husband so much and I don't want to tear my family apart.  I was trying to wait until my depression lifted but it's been months and months and I'm really starting to feel my emotions and moods are because of him.  I feel trapped because I know I'll be made out to be the bad guy if we split.  I know our two young kids won't understand and will have a really hard time with it.  I know it's not an option but suicide would be so much easier.  The problem is me, I should just be taken out of the equation.  Then the kids don't have to go back and forth.  It'd be no surprise to anyone, I've been so depressed for months that I'm sure people are starting to wonder when I'll just do it already.  It's weird though because I don't want to die for the typical reasons, I just don't want to make this choice and my warped brain actually thinks that it'll be easier for my family to deal with my death than another divorce. 
But like I said it's not an option and I do have to make a decision.  I had myself set to talk to my husband about divorce while I was at work and I came home and I just couldn't.  I can't bring myself to break up my family.  Not only that but I have no one else in Arizona.  My two best friends live in different states and there's no one here.  Without my husband I'm alone.  So then it's be with him and be miserable, or not be with him, be alone but ...  I don't know what that but is.  maybe I'll be miserable without him too and I'll just have burned a bridge and things will get worse.  I'm good at making things get worse.  Fucked if I do, fucked if I don't.