River Dreams

I've begun crying every time I think of the River Region. I spent this past weekend at the Urban Homestead and finally had an opportunity to attempt downloading and printing the family photos which have been accumulating on my camera and nearly crumbled to hysterics when the Breach of Contract photos spilled off the camera. I guess that means I am *finally* processing the emotional part the slime of the Breach of Contract spewed over my River Dreams. I reckon. . . It is hard to know what is attached to the tendrils of reality which drift through the fog banks of my psychoses(pl). My lifelong habit of burying my negative emotions to amnesiac levels remains quite strong and therapy resistant. ^It^ is what ^it^ is, whether I understand ^it^ or not. Again, I remind myself to simply process. The words will come in time, if they are needed, at all. I remain convinced there is so much in life that lives beyond words, even in the cramped confines of my inner-consciousness. It is more easily understood without harsh limitations of words.

I recurring wish for a companion to to go there with me keeps popping out of the psychotic fog bank that hangs over that body of dreams. I have attempted to voice that wish a time or twenty, but. . . I know better. . . Or. . . At least my psychoses(pl) know better. They know better enough that probably not a one of my requests was recognized as a request by the people I *asked*. My strictly personal herstory shows I tend to be entirely too subtle in testing the proverbial waters before I plan on having found the exception to the mysterious rules.

Processing. . . Sorting. . .

GS starts kindergarten a week from today. He has been campaigning hard to spend the last week of his summer vacation at the ranch. ?Por que no? His little sister is still too young to spend much time away from Mom and Dad. She started calling for them at about the same pace as GS and I were formulating our plans for the 3 hour northward drive. She went home last night. GS is sleeping late this morning. I think. At the very least, he has yet to invade my morning meditations. At present, I am expecting we will clean up the Grand Party mess we scattered across the homestead before we begin the northward drive.