Risperdal Dreams Again
Every time I get my Risperdal increased, I get crazy dreams. I just went up another mg in the morning, and I was hoping that it wouldn't be that bad since I took it in the morning, but I got crazy dreams again last night. I don't notice any changes from the Depakote yet. I know that the Risperdal is causing the dreams because I started the Risperdal first and got the dreams, and then got on the Depakote. They increased the Risperdal three times now and each time I get weird dreams for about a week. Last night was kinda disturbing- it was another cult dream- but it wasn't as disorientating as the last time. I go to therapy tomorrow, so we will see how the dreams go tonight and if I want to talk about them tomorrow. I know I need to deal with the cult problems, but I also need to deal with the depression and Geo issues.
Geo and I are approaching our time to re-sign our lease, which means that we need to decide if we can handle each other. I think I can handle him- I love him and want to be with him. I don't want to watch him suffer, but if I'm not here nothing is going to change for the better, so I might as well stay here and help him. If anything, he is going to get worse without me. Besides, I love him for better or worse, in sickness and health and all that. What kind of wife would I be if he stuck by me in my hard times but then I leave him when he's in trouble? Don't get me wrong, he's thinking about leaving me too, but I'm going to stick by him as long as he will take me. I guess my mind is made up, my decision is made. I'm sticking by his side.
I'm going to keep doing my journals. I was worried yesterday that my journals are all about me and if that was selfish, but what's the point of a journal other than to talk about your feelings? I hope that writing these will help me uncover my feelings. Poetry is easier for me to find out how I'm feeling, but I'm very picky with it and I have to write it in a specific book with a specific pen and all this other OCD stuff. I should try and write in it more, but I don't know. Maybe I don't want to know how I feel. I'm changing my mood to good, though, because I'm feeling good today. I got a decent sleep last night (9 hours) and was awake all day.
Food: I had a piece of chicken and yogurt for breakfast, macos for lunch, some chili for a snack and regular dinner. I'm under my calories for the day, so I might have some ice cream or some treat. I got chili beans at the store today which makes me excited, since I love chili beans. I made a big pot of them, and it's going to be my lunch for tomorrow since I'm going to be at the therapists and the doctors all day. I'm going to take some fruit too, and see how it goes. I may go get donuts and have one, but I'm trying not to eat a bunch of them.
Geo and I are approaching our time to re-sign our lease, which means that we need to decide if we can handle each other. I think I can handle him- I love him and want to be with him. I don't want to watch him suffer, but if I'm not here nothing is going to change for the better, so I might as well stay here and help him. If anything, he is going to get worse without me. Besides, I love him for better or worse, in sickness and health and all that. What kind of wife would I be if he stuck by me in my hard times but then I leave him when he's in trouble? Don't get me wrong, he's thinking about leaving me too, but I'm going to stick by him as long as he will take me. I guess my mind is made up, my decision is made. I'm sticking by his side.
I'm going to keep doing my journals. I was worried yesterday that my journals are all about me and if that was selfish, but what's the point of a journal other than to talk about your feelings? I hope that writing these will help me uncover my feelings. Poetry is easier for me to find out how I'm feeling, but I'm very picky with it and I have to write it in a specific book with a specific pen and all this other OCD stuff. I should try and write in it more, but I don't know. Maybe I don't want to know how I feel. I'm changing my mood to good, though, because I'm feeling good today. I got a decent sleep last night (9 hours) and was awake all day.
Food: I had a piece of chicken and yogurt for breakfast, macos for lunch, some chili for a snack and regular dinner. I'm under my calories for the day, so I might have some ice cream or some treat. I got chili beans at the store today which makes me excited, since I love chili beans. I made a big pot of them, and it's going to be my lunch for tomorrow since I'm going to be at the therapists and the doctors all day. I'm going to take some fruit too, and see how it goes. I may go get donuts and have one, but I'm trying not to eat a bunch of them.
Replies
Marriage is a two way street, you both have to want it and you both have to work on it together. perhaps some joint counsouling would do you both some good if Geo would be willing to go. Ask you therapist for a referal to a good MFT and get some marriage counsouling to see if that would help your relationship. Eileen and I had a few couple sessions and they do help.
sorry that you and Geo are having problems.. i have to go back and read your past journals. i feel like i have been gone for so long.. i get terrible nightmares too on my meds .i hope you and Geo can work things out. i am here for you if you need . hugs ..marie
The stuff with Geo happened a while ago, we just decided not to make any hasty decisions. It\'s just coming up to the time where we said we were going to decide.