Risk

Today, the painters finished the last touches to my apartment on the inside frame of my door.  The maintenance people unlocked all the doors.  I sneakly went inside the rapists apartment without him being there for about a minute, so I could see if anything changed.  I did not touch anything, so he couldn't use anything against me.  His living room and bedroom were a mess, and the extra chain on the door was removed, which I think the police confiscated after the rape.  Yes, it did re-traumatize me a bit, and I think my anxiety went up a bit too high, but I needed to do it for me, so I could have closure.  Does that make sense?  I noticed that his table was pushed back in the corner of his dining room, but on the night of the rape it was out, and his apartment was spick and span clean too, it is quite obvious it was well planned out.  His bed was made the night of the rape, whereas, on a regular work day it is not, which says it was well planned out.  Also, last week, I remembered something too, he had a big box fan, the night of the rape too, which I think he stored in the closet in between the bathroom and bedroom.  I learned a lot about him, and that he obviously is not taking good care of himself as well as his place after it being a year, but I was not going to step foot in there with him present because he would hurt  me again, which explains the risk that I took.  I am glad I did because I now can move forward all the more.  Plus, if I got caught in there, I would be put in jail too, so I had to be quick, and I am glad that I did, but am needing your support as I get past all that I saw, which is why I am writing it to you.  Any advice?  Have any of you done something similar to this?  Thank you.