Reversal
If it is possible to go in reverse on my goals and plans, then today, that is exactly what I managed to do. Last night, I planned out my day, on paper. I thought that by writing down a schedule, it would not only inspire me to get up, but then I could set alarms to be sure I was on track all day.
The opposite seemed to happen. I did not even wake up until 11AM when my husband was leaving to go to work! I did not get out of bed...I didn't even get dressed! I wore my pjs all day and stayed in bed, watching Harry Potter movies. The only times I got up between then and 9PM tonight was to get food and to use the restroom!
That is completely unacceptable to me! I was supposed to get up, have a healthy breakfast, work out, clean the house and other things of that nature. I had ALL DAY planned out.
I am destroying my own best efforts, and I have no idea why! Okay, that isn't entirely true. It could be because I am terrified of change and so I am subconsciously sabotaging any effort on my part to change. I do the same things when it comes to me starting school, or trying to work.
I don't know what is wrong me and I don't know what to do. But I know it has to change. I HAVE TO CHANGE! I can't live like this anymore!
I want to be healthy, I want to be strong, I want to have children! I want to do so many things with my husband and family!
I want to be positive and look at today as just a bad day, but it has gotten me really depressed and negative and I have only myself to blame for it...
Maybe I can make up a little bit by doing a workout dvd before my husband gets off work...But I doubt I will actually do it.
The opposite seemed to happen. I did not even wake up until 11AM when my husband was leaving to go to work! I did not get out of bed...I didn't even get dressed! I wore my pjs all day and stayed in bed, watching Harry Potter movies. The only times I got up between then and 9PM tonight was to get food and to use the restroom!
That is completely unacceptable to me! I was supposed to get up, have a healthy breakfast, work out, clean the house and other things of that nature. I had ALL DAY planned out.
I am destroying my own best efforts, and I have no idea why! Okay, that isn't entirely true. It could be because I am terrified of change and so I am subconsciously sabotaging any effort on my part to change. I do the same things when it comes to me starting school, or trying to work.
I don't know what is wrong me and I don't know what to do. But I know it has to change. I HAVE TO CHANGE! I can't live like this anymore!
I want to be healthy, I want to be strong, I want to have children! I want to do so many things with my husband and family!
I want to be positive and look at today as just a bad day, but it has gotten me really depressed and negative and I have only myself to blame for it...
Maybe I can make up a little bit by doing a workout dvd before my husband gets off work...But I doubt I will actually do it.
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