RETIREMENT...Retiring
Wow! Big changes coming in my life. I will be retiring after working 19 years as Office Manager of an elementary school (actually worked at 3 schools - 2 of which were closed & for 12 Principals!). JULY 1ST I OFFICIALLY BECOME A RETIREE!
This was NOT a decision made lightly. It involved prayer, reading, quiet time, prayer, journaling, researching my retirement options, prayer, a conversation with my neuro, and even a few sessions with a counselor. It was certainly not something I planned at the beginning of the school year. Certainly not something I ever planned....to retire at age 55. Thought these would be the years where we had our two daughters on their feet (kinda) and we would have the funds to travel, prepare our house for our retirement years, and maybe even have some money left over. SILLY ME! I should know at this age that life rarely goes as you have pictured in your head.
I can honestly say that after the first of the year "a whisper became a SHOUT". The stress and increased work load with my job were causing my health to decline. (Something my husband, daughters, best friend, and even neuro have been telling me for two years, but I was too stubborn to acknowledge!) Even though I was now confident in my decision - I sat in my car for a few minutes re-thinking, taking deep breaths, and praying before I was able to get out and walk into our district office with the first notice of my intent to retire.
From time to time I get this feeling like I want to stomp my feet, shake my fists to the heavens, and shout "Damn You Parkinson's!". But, I have yet to do that. Instead - I hold strong in my decision. In my heart & in my head I know I am making the right decision. I am saying good-bye to years of the joy of working with children, their parents, staff, and the community...trying so hard each and every day to somehow make a positive difference in their lives. (Just a few weeks ago I felt like God had given me a wonderful "good-bye" gift when a former student came to the school with her younger sister on her sister's 1st day of school. She told me she remembered me. She remembered one of the most heart wrenching & emotional days I have worked. She even remembered the chair she was sitting in crying her sweet little 1st grade heart out over the wrong Grandma there trying to pick her from school. She remembered all the police officers that showed up at the school after I called them. She remembered how I wouldn't let the police make her go with that Grandma. She didn't know that in another room I had called Children's Services and they had her caseworker on the way. She didn't know that in another room I had went toe-to-toe with the officer in charge telling him that until that caseworker arrived that little girl was NOT going anywhere! But, she did remember that I took care of her. I fought back tears as she updated me on all the positive changes in her custody situation and how good her life was now as a high-schooler. WOW! I absolutely NEVER forgot that precious little girl - the day I was forced to leave the main office and find a place to sob my heart out when it was all over. I have prayed for her often over the years. THANK YOU, GOD for the gift of knowing how well her life is going now. The fact that she knew someone cared about her on that day. THANK YOU GOD for giving me the opportunity to tell her I NEVER forgot about that day, either!) I have years of memories - probably enough to write a book! I have been very blessed, but it's now time to move on to the next chapter in my life.
So - as I retire, I choose to look forward. Time to rest up & take care of things I have had to neglect at home because each day on the job I work my hardest -leaving zero energy the remaining hours of my week. Time to contribute in some way to the town I was born and raised in, raised my two daughters in and where I continue to live. Time to be a better wife, Mom, and Grandma. Time to do the things I enjoy. Time to take better care of myself. And, it's time to continue to pray & listen.....to do what I am meant to do in the years to come.
This was NOT a decision made lightly. It involved prayer, reading, quiet time, prayer, journaling, researching my retirement options, prayer, a conversation with my neuro, and even a few sessions with a counselor. It was certainly not something I planned at the beginning of the school year. Certainly not something I ever planned....to retire at age 55. Thought these would be the years where we had our two daughters on their feet (kinda) and we would have the funds to travel, prepare our house for our retirement years, and maybe even have some money left over. SILLY ME! I should know at this age that life rarely goes as you have pictured in your head.
I can honestly say that after the first of the year "a whisper became a SHOUT". The stress and increased work load with my job were causing my health to decline. (Something my husband, daughters, best friend, and even neuro have been telling me for two years, but I was too stubborn to acknowledge!) Even though I was now confident in my decision - I sat in my car for a few minutes re-thinking, taking deep breaths, and praying before I was able to get out and walk into our district office with the first notice of my intent to retire.
From time to time I get this feeling like I want to stomp my feet, shake my fists to the heavens, and shout "Damn You Parkinson's!". But, I have yet to do that. Instead - I hold strong in my decision. In my heart & in my head I know I am making the right decision. I am saying good-bye to years of the joy of working with children, their parents, staff, and the community...trying so hard each and every day to somehow make a positive difference in their lives. (Just a few weeks ago I felt like God had given me a wonderful "good-bye" gift when a former student came to the school with her younger sister on her sister's 1st day of school. She told me she remembered me. She remembered one of the most heart wrenching & emotional days I have worked. She even remembered the chair she was sitting in crying her sweet little 1st grade heart out over the wrong Grandma there trying to pick her from school. She remembered all the police officers that showed up at the school after I called them. She remembered how I wouldn't let the police make her go with that Grandma. She didn't know that in another room I had called Children's Services and they had her caseworker on the way. She didn't know that in another room I had went toe-to-toe with the officer in charge telling him that until that caseworker arrived that little girl was NOT going anywhere! But, she did remember that I took care of her. I fought back tears as she updated me on all the positive changes in her custody situation and how good her life was now as a high-schooler. WOW! I absolutely NEVER forgot that precious little girl - the day I was forced to leave the main office and find a place to sob my heart out when it was all over. I have prayed for her often over the years. THANK YOU, GOD for the gift of knowing how well her life is going now. The fact that she knew someone cared about her on that day. THANK YOU GOD for giving me the opportunity to tell her I NEVER forgot about that day, either!) I have years of memories - probably enough to write a book! I have been very blessed, but it's now time to move on to the next chapter in my life.
So - as I retire, I choose to look forward. Time to rest up & take care of things I have had to neglect at home because each day on the job I work my hardest -leaving zero energy the remaining hours of my week. Time to contribute in some way to the town I was born and raised in, raised my two daughters in and where I continue to live. Time to be a better wife, Mom, and Grandma. Time to do the things I enjoy. Time to take better care of myself. And, it's time to continue to pray & listen.....to do what I am meant to do in the years to come.
Replies
I think this is one of the small blessings of having PD. While it changes our lives and our plans, it also helps us understand just how precious some things are that we use to take for granted. Time is a very precious commodity, one that I am learning to appreciate more and more. It helps us realize the importance of making the most of every minute and every day and we also learn the importance of staying in the moment and appreciating the here and now.
I am constantly amazed how God gives us small little miracles (Dan calls them God\'s winks) which bring us such peace and comfort when we need it. That girl showing up in your office was one of those winks! Thanks for sharing that story. It really touched my heart and brought tears to my eyes. I have no doubts God has a path for you now and you will accomplish what you are meant to do in the years to come.
Hugs!
What a Journal, I wasn\'t ready to retire when I had to. Darn that Parkinson\'s! But I learned to relax and enjoy it. Photography and writing and Tai Chi have been \"God Winks\" for me We are having a new home built. Retirement and handicapped accessible. I think it\'s God lead us to the decision and the property. Everything going falling into place. I was nervous to do it at first. But I think God leads down the paths we are to follow. Trust and follow you heart and take time to smell the flowers, and forget about Parkinson\'s I can keep him at bay with exercise and positive thinking. Best wishes on your new endeavor. Semper Fi Brian