Restless Thoughts

I feel nothing more-the burdened feelings have gone away-once again Ive let you down-my mom,dad,brothers etc. You gave me hope,love,strength,and you gave me life-for some reason I couldnt be happy,feel loved-I just feel as rotton-Is it me?-am I too stupid to not understand their truthful words?-Im so lost now-but dont feel like it in the inside-the stain on my skin is the stain on my heart-a stain that is unremovable-my shield from the outside world-my enemy and friend-my lie,my truth-my secret to revel,my secret to hold-myself and I-the pain in these eyes-the tears I cant cry-my love that never dies-my question: To live or to die.