restless rambles

I'm hurting pretty badly tonight. I hold it in, I hold my breath, I count to 100, I lose, I win, I escape, I fear, I think about everything else that exists besides my pain. I can't sleep. As soon as I start to fall asleep, my body jolts abruptly. I guess this is my body refusing to relax. Its raining. Rain causes more pain. I live and pay the price to live in "sunny san diego" for a reason. Perfection does not exist though. I wonder who came up with that word. All it is, is an expectation that everyone lives by when really, its completely and irresponsibly irrational. My mind is going 1000 miles a minute, my body is exhausted, and inbetween I find myself in the middle of a ramble. Pain jumbles my thoughts. I try to escape even thinking about it and with that attempt to escape, comes a mind that is restless. I'm tired. Might as well get some design work done and put my restless mind to good use right? Do something productive when you're in a bad position, you'll feel better about it tomorrow, at least eventually.... Good morning, good night.