Responsibility
When I think about gambling, I have to accept that it is something I have to take total responsibility for. I used to blame my bf for getting me into it.....but he didn't force me. He cajoled, tempted, and pressured me....but it was my decision to start gambling, and continue to gamble. It was also my decision to quit. I feel a lot of resentment towards the casinos at times....but....then again....they didn't drag me in at gunpoint. I do believe they know what they are doing, and that they do eveything they can to lure us in, keep us there, and they are merciless in their endless quest to take all they can from us. They send us those freebies not as some sort of thankyou for previous business....it is to lure us in like bait in a trap, a worm on a hook. They know once we take the bait... they've got us until we're empty...until next time. That little casino cash voucher or free room just gets us started....and we can't stop.... we leave when everything is gone....and they end up with millions and millions and millions.....they end up with our houses, our businesses, our cars, our vacations, our time and financial support that should go to our families, our medical care, our savings, our secure retirements. Gone to the coffers of the fatcats running the casinos. We lose our money, our security, our health, our families, our friends, our pride, our sanity, our freedom, and sometimes even our very lives. Then one day, when we've finally lost enough, we decide it is time to make a change. We come to places like daily strength, safe harbour, and gamblers anonymous. We listen to what people who are recovering say....and do whatever we have to do. This is the beginning of building a new life in recovery! What I am finding is....the more I take responsibility.....the easier it is to recover. I stop blaming others....I stop blaming circumstances.....and THEN I can turn my life around. Thanks to all the wonderful people here who continue to help me and stand by me on this journey! Much love to everyone.....Dianne
Replies
Dianne, this is a really good je. Responsibility...I blamed my bf, as you know, now my husband, the casinos, where I use to work for 20+ yrs, and even my mother, for my gambling. Today I know how ridiculously childish that was of me! There\'s a small part of me that wants to deny I was actually doing that, but I know it was me, I can take responsibly for my actions, it was me. It is a horrid addiction. When you talk about the casinos doing what they do, to rob anyone they can, for as much $$$ as they can....that\'s 100% true. How do I know? Well, I worked for the casino/hotel industry for 20+ yrs. I saw it 8 hrs a day, 5 days a week. The weird part of all of that is, I didn\'t gambling for approx 10 of those yrs, I swear to God, I knew better. I knew why the casinos were able stay in business, in a big, glamorous way. I knew. And I ended up a compulsive gambler...weird, huh? Plus, I know I\'m not real unique, when I say, I never, ever, ever wanted any comps. Never. I didn\'t want to be monitored, no cards. Well, maybe a free drink... It started out I just didn\'t want them because I knew what they were designed to do, and I didn\'t want to fall for that! Ha! In the end I didn\'t want them because they would be evidence of where I\'d been. I panicked over a pack of matches. Again, what a horrid addiction. And again, what a good je :) Have a good weekend...Love, Robin
How true. When I stopped blaming everyone and thing for my addiction then I could clearly see it was my own doing. Then I had a clear understanding of what I needed to do. Thanks for putting it in to words that make so much sense. Peace and Love. Patty
Beautifully Said DianneE :)
Sounds Like You Have Gotten Past The Hardest Part Of Recovery For Most CGs Acceptance WTG
Have A Wonderful Weekend !!!
God Bless
Ken L YBIR
Wow, I like how you put it Dianne, and very true on all counts. I would be more than happy to see all the casinos close down, but they didn\'t drag me in I went willingly every single time.
Excellent stuff my sweet friend. Ownership, acceptance and responsibility. These are wonderful gifts on the road to recovery. Once we unwrap them you are right recovery is easier - we stop hiding and searching for reasons and start facing facts. We stat healing as we admit that we are powerless. In that there is great freedom.
Thank you for this today - have a lovely weekend living your best life. Love Suzi
Dianne this is a beautiful je. I am so proud of all that you are accomplishing as you make your comeback from the damages done by gambling. You have such commitment and strength and have overcome so much even in the face of all of the difficult situations you have had to deal with the last few months. You are a shining example of recovery and I am so honored to be your friend. You are a constant source of hope for me, and someone I admire greatly.
Love, Julie
Wow,
Well said,
Look at you grow.
Love and Hugs,
Kimber
love reading you journal entries, so insightful and motivating....
thank you,
love, brig
Dianne,
Just reading your je this morning (Monday)and thank you for reminding me that no one held a gun to my head either. Although I have said the reasons I gambled was for \"me\" time, that is crap and now I realize it. I wanted to believe because my husband didn\'t help more around the house or with other household chores that was an excuse to gamble. Poor Tessa, all work and no play. LIke I said what a crock.
Thanks for opening my eyes and letting me see what really sent me to the pokerrooms is that I am an addict, and once I start I can\'t stop. So my cure is to never start. This is powerful to me because I really thought I had a good reason and now I realize there is no reason anyone should put their hard earned money into casinos or machines. Money from my childs mouth, my husbands wallet, our checkbook for bills. Sad but true. TOday I am thankful to be in recovery with wonderfully smart people like you.
Thanks
Tessa
Yes, we are responsible for our own decisions. Thank you for this je, it\'s just a reminder that \"we\" are responsible and no one else. Once we come to that conclusion, we can decide if we want to help \"ourself\" and get out from under this addiction.
Big Hugs,
Liz
Great Je. I think at first we all find someone/something to blame our destructive behaviors on. I do hate the tatics casinos go to to get you to come in, but the ultimate decision is ours as to go or not go. I too know that no one but me is responsible for the chaos my life became, but I too am the one responsible for making the changes needed, and I am doing it, along with all the help and support I have from wonderful friends like you. Love and hugs