Response to my Journal Yesterday.
To my dear friends yes I know that life will not be "normal" again in the way it was before cancer entered my son's body and took his life. But do I wish it had never happened, yes I do. Do we all wish we could change things so they would go back to normal I think we would. But we know we can't.
I am sorry that there was one comment that upset me so much that I was not even sure I would write another journal in DS. I feel our journal are our thoughts and sometimes our wishes and I don't think there is anything wrong in writing that. Sometime venting helps get us farther along in our grief and pain. I regret that someone decided to tell me to bascially to GET OVER IT. I don't think we GET OVER IT, I think in time we come to a type of acceptance. But our child is our child and will always be our child and it may be years down the road that we will remember something they said or did and we will feel sad, but that is our right. We love our child.
I am happy to know I have such wonderful friends on DS, who show me they care, who knows what I am going through, who send me their love. DS has been a life saver for me in this process I am going through. So without my dear friends who understand I say Thank You.
Sandi
I am sorry that there was one comment that upset me so much that I was not even sure I would write another journal in DS. I feel our journal are our thoughts and sometimes our wishes and I don't think there is anything wrong in writing that. Sometime venting helps get us farther along in our grief and pain. I regret that someone decided to tell me to bascially to GET OVER IT. I don't think we GET OVER IT, I think in time we come to a type of acceptance. But our child is our child and will always be our child and it may be years down the road that we will remember something they said or did and we will feel sad, but that is our right. We love our child.
I am happy to know I have such wonderful friends on DS, who show me they care, who knows what I am going through, who send me their love. DS has been a life saver for me in this process I am going through. So without my dear friends who understand I say Thank You.
Sandi
Replies
Believe me, we understand and we care. Truly, your friend, Barb
I worked yesterday and didn\'t get on DS. I didn\'t have a chance to comment on your jounal from yesterday. I went and read some of your responses. I don\'t know the person who made that particular comment, and I\'m sure it wasn\'t said to be hurtful, but I can certainly see how out of character it would feel to read this from a bereaved parent. I wonder if that person has lost a child and felt this magnitude of pain. If so, I wonder how they do \"move on\". I\'m ashamed to say I probably used to be one of those people who wouldn\'t say those words but often thought those words when someone lost a loved one. Then, I lost a child and boy how my thinking has changed and how I know what it feels like to walk in those shoes and experience the most profound sadness known to a mother. I don\'t know that we \"move on\". Perhaps we \"keep on\" so to speak. We just keep doing what we have to do to survive for a very long time until we feel like we can participate in life again. On any given day, it may be going forward in healing or it may be slipping back to that \"pitty party\" and having to embrace the pain and learn to weave it into our lives. Both are acceptable. If we never give up and we pick ourselves up, we have achieved a great deal. I hope you always journal and can continue to feel safe here sharing your feelings. Peace and comfort to you friend. Love Robin
Sandi, it is an insensitive thing for someone to tell you to \"get over it\"....especially, if they are here for the same reason you are...if they were \"over it\" then why are they here? I know for certain I will never be \"over it!\" But I can get through it. So soon after a loss like we have experienced we are very sensitive to the \"good intentions of others.\" I know because it has happened to me....several times. I am a wounded heart that now has a new perception of this life and the next....I thought I knew before Brandon passed but I am finding out how little I really knew. I am fast finding out how loving and merciful and slow to anger God really is. He is not the punishing mean God I was afraid of for most of my life....my earthly father was that. I am here for you and so our my lessons that I have learned thus far to share with you and anyone who wants to listen. I think we have all taken away from our losses and it would be remiss if we did not share them. Have a blessed day and know you are loved and God has you in the palm of His wonderful hands.....He\'s got the whole world....if only they knew......Love, dale...brandon\'s mom
To me it didn\'t sound like one of us on this site - a grieving mother or I really don\'t think the words \"get over it\" would have been said. And I don\'t know if it was meant to hurt but I too would have been hurt by that comment. The one thing never to say to a grieving mother whether its been 1 month or 20 years is to get over it. Yes in time I too am hoping that time will ease some of the pain but as to getting over loosing my child or anyone else here - not a chance. We are not suppose to outlive our children - and this pain we are all going through is not a pity party - it\'s an unbearable, gut wrenching, heartbreaking loss. I don\'t know what else to say except that we do the best we can with these big hole in our hearts that will never again be filled. We aren\'t feeling sorry for ourselves, we aren\'t on life long pity parties, we are mothers who brought in these beautiful creators to teach and love and watch grow up and have families of their own - and all of a sudden they were taken from us - and somehow we are now suppose to figure out how to live a new life without our children and \"get over it\". Well not in this life will I ever get over my son dying, I will never understand why he had to leave before his time - I hope one day the pain gets somewhat easier - and if that makes me having a lifelong pity party - than so be it. Love to you always Sandi!
~Sandi
I am glad that you are finding the support that you need here on FMO. My 12 step work has taught me to \"take what I like and leave the rest.\" I hope that each us comes from our hearts here and know that we try. Sometimes our humanness gets in the way, however. We will never get over the loss of our beloved children and who would want to? I agree that a certain kind of acceptance seems to begin to happen because I am noticing this with the moms who are a little further along on their grief journey. It gives me hope. Take care sweet friend and we are here to support, understand and companion one another. Hugs to you today. Joanie
Sandi,
You are right - we will never get over the loss of our beloved children. I am hoping for some sort of acceptance someday, too. It is still so new for you too. Its been 7 months for me & I still think about my Eddie every waking minute & I am profoundly sad & distressed. Also, your journey is your journey. No one\'s experience is the same as someone else\'s. You can vent to me anytime. The women on this site have been an enormous source of comfort for me. I am glad folks are reaching out to you. I send you love & peace. Linda
We are walking right beside you on your journey. We can hold each other up along the way....Hugs, Ann
This is never something we will get over.. hopefully with the support of the mothers here we will learn how to move forward a bit each day.. love to you my friend and so sorry that someone made you sad.. love to you..
I am convinced that you never \"get over\" the loss of a child. You get through it. If someone says something that upsets you...you may want to message them privately to tell them how it makes you feel. If you feel it doesn\'t resolve it, you can always remove them as a friend. This site is designed to offer love, support and comfort...love and hugs...Karen
I agree with Karen. If someone actually said a hurtful thing to me like \'get over it\', there is that wonderful little feature at DS, of \'remove as friend\'. Don\'t let someone so unloving bring you down. Keep coming here to give and receive support. We all need each other. Hugs, Barbara