Resolving anger of mean people

I’m going through a very angry stage right now and I’m not sure what is going on. By all accounts of what is going on in my life, I should be okay. No major disaster in my life and physically the same near constant pain and ailments and waiting for fall appointments. But I feel a great anger deep inside of me and I notice it most when I literally growl under my breath at my sweet little dogs for being in the way. I think my wait for relief is just too long and I don’t even know if this Neuro can help me. Is he going to do anything different or repeat what I have done in the past. Will I be subject and subservient to an idiot? I truly feel ripped off in life with this new development of the dx of Graves this July.
Now this summer, I took a week off after finding out I had Graves. I was so horribly stressed after having fought so hard to get a well earned raise at work. I had almost quit over it. I got the raise and two days later I wound up in the hospital and had a week of hell of tests and uncertainty and then diagnosis. Then I decided I had to take a week off and go into the mountains and completely chill out.  I did just that. When I returned I found out my assistant tried to throw me under the bus for her incompetence. When she had to explain her bad decisions she said “Angela told me to do it that way”. Wonderful. Fortunately, that attitude doesn’t fly around here, but it still is very hurtful.
And last week, I have a coworker who has a tendency to be very pushy and mean when she is stressed. She wanted me to do something and I kept telling her that I didn’t understand how the account got there and to just tell me what she wanted me to do. As usual she just kept ranting and wouldn’t give me the answer I needed. Of course I failed in doing what she wanted. The next morning I got an email lecture, stating,” I thought I explained it and you understood”, cc the boss. I sent a reply that , “like I said, just tell me what you want and I will do it”. Well, I got shit for it, and again a few days later. It doesn’t pay to speak up, does it? I’m still hurting from this bully. She’s done this many times before. I don’t know what she says behind closed doors to him, but I’m sure it is quite the sob story.   I just up and help everyone, all the time. I’m the biggest team player there is in this organization, yet this woman behind closed doors sets me up all the time.
I’m sick of mean people. I do right by people. I don’t ask for anything and if I do, it is with fullest gratitude or some payback. Plus it’s harder to swallow the crap from mean people when you are hurting. Maybe that is why I wish I had a taser. Then I don’t have to explain myself. If the mean person doesn’t have to explain themselves, then I don’t have to explain myself.
On the side of the Taser it could say “I’ve been hurting for many days; what is your problem?”
Well, I got it all out.
Now to count my blessings;
I’m not so angry.
I got a raise.
I got Jim.
I’m employed.
I have an appointment – 92 days away. Better than having no hope.
Tasers are illegal to me.



Oh Sweetie... it\'s just not fair that you have to put up with so much crap while you are struggling with such severe pain. I think you deserve a medal just for managing to turn up to work when your pain is so bad. I really feel for you... and wish I could do something to help. Glad you got this all out in a journal... I hope that helped. Glad you stood up for yourself and got a raise... well done.
Hugs... Gaye... xxx